10/4/99

"A Letter from Harm"
by Maureen O'Brien

Note: This takes place between seasons 4 & 5. It was written shortly 
before the carrier episodes began to air.

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Then Harm said, "I'm not sure I believe in justice anymore."

Mac froze in the middle of a bite. Harm's voice went on, but she 
didn't take in a single word.  Finally she got up from the table,
stopped the tape in her stereo, and then hit rewind. She watched
her finger numbly until it occurred to her to take it back off the
button again.

"...pretty good. Keeping up my hours all these years is really paying
off. Of course, some of the guys -- and gals -- still aren't sure if
I'm an asset or just plain nuts. I can deal with that. Sooner or 
later, they'll find out the truth -- I'm both!"

This was a little further back than she'd planned to go, but she 
didn't mind listening to this part again. Maybe she could figure out
where Harm came up with....

"Hey, JAGMAN," a male voice said from somewhere further away, "who you
talking to?"

"Tape recorder. This is how you write letters without paperwork, young
grasshopper. Wanna say hi to Mac?"

"Hi, Mac!" chorused a couple of male voices. One continued in a 
question tone of voice, "Nice picture. So, are you and the 
commander ....?"

The tape whomped for a moment as Harm stopped the recording. Mac 
found time to wonder again just which picture of her that Harm had.
If it was that goofy thing that Harriet had taken of her sitting  
surrounded by files, she was going to kill him.

"Sorry about that interruption, Mac," Harm continued, apparently some 
time later. His voice was quieter now. "Good example of some of the
joys of hanging around with kids!" He still sounded amused. "But they
will learn better -- eventually -- and I don't mind teaching them. 
It's kinda fun to figure out how to slip advice into a story, or keep
an eye on the ones who are struggling and keep them from getting into
trouble. So you see, I'm using my verbal skills. My time in JAG isn't 
totally wasted."

Mac leaned forward to listen harder. This was where she'd come in.

"I know you probably still don't agree with my decision, but it was
really the only thing I could do. You see, I'm not sure I believe in
justice anymore. At least, not through the court system. I can see 
that, logically, vigilante justice is not the way. But this year I've
seen the court system, both military and civilian, fail again and 
again. They certainly failed Dar-lyn. And the guys in the mental 
hospital. And you." 

Was that what this was all about? Why couldn't he just have said so?

Harm paused. "I guess what I'm saying is that I can't...  work inside 
a system that's not working. I can't keep telling my clients that the 
guilty will be punished and the innocent go free when that's just
not true. It feels like... complicity." He paused. "Not that I'm 
saying anything against you, Mac, or Bud, or the other people at JAG.  
I'm glad somebody still has faith. It's a good faith to have."

He stopped speaking for a moment, and she could hear background noise
from people walking down the hall.

"You know, I can almost hear you arguing me out of this." His tone
was considerably lighter. "Good thing I didn't tell you, or you might
have. This is really good for me, Mac. I feel like myself again, not 
off-balance all the time like I've been for the last year or so -- 
you know, since we found out about my dad. And I can fly, which makes
all the trouble worthwhile. 

"I wish you could understand that -- in your bones, I mean. I think 
you did, for a little while, when I let you fly Sarah that one time.
Before everything started happening, that is." He still sounded 
embarrassed. "Look, that really doesn't happen very often, even to
trouble magnets like me. One of these days, we've got to get you up
there again. You were doing pretty well, you know."

She rolled her eyes. So he said.

"Listen, I've got to get going. More stuff to study." She could almost 
hear him make a face. "Tell Bud thanks for making me get that cheap 
laptop and putting the flight sim on it. I don't need it, of course, 
but some of the _real_ nuggets-to-be find it pretty helpful. I just 
use it to goof off. Oh, and don't worry. I'll send you email from 
whatever ship they send me to. Expect to hear from me in a week or so,
despite the fact I'll actually have to abuse my poor hands into 
pushing a keyboard. I hope you realize I wouldn't do that for anyone 
else but you, Mac."

All she could hear for a moment was the hum of the air and the tape.

"Sincerely yours, Harm."

She listened to the static for a moment. Then she hit rewind.

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Maureen S. O'Brien  mobrien@dnaco.net
http://www.dnaco.net/~mobrien/fanfic/