Title: What's Wrong? Author: Maureen S. O'Brien Summary: Harriet takes matters into her own hands. Disclaimer: CBS, Paramount, Belisarius Productions, and Donald P. Bellisario owns the characters. The demented thoughts, however, are mine, all mine! Author's Note: Another way to solve the problem posed by "Death Watch", if we weren't under the constraints of the "Everyone Must Suffer" rule. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ "Major, what's wrong?" Major Mackenzie tried to smile. She failed horribly. "Nothing's wrong, Harriet." "Uh huh. You and the commander keep avoiding each other. The admiral chewed you two out for something. And Bud still won't tell me what happened last weekend -- not to mention that nobody will explain to me how you ended up in Norfolk, on the weekend, in _my_ uniform. Though you did return it to me nicely cleaned and pressed." The major stared at her, looking haunted and hunted. "Look, ma'am," Harriet tried again, "if it's something classified, just tell me. But it obviously didn't happen to Bud, because he's not depressed, just worried about you and the commander. You're not talking to him. You're not talking to the commander, strangely enough. And whatever it is, it's obviously eating you up inside. I've got time, I can keep my mouth shut, and I've got a pretty good security clearance. You've got to talk to somebody, ma'am, and it might as well be me." The major looked down. "It's nothing classified. Harm got a lead, and we went down to Norfolk to see a Commander Holbarth. He fell off a pier and was crushed between the hull of the _Sheppard_ and the dock. We all witnessed it. And NCIS asked us not to discuss the incident until they've finished investigating the death." "Ugh! I'm sorry I asked." Harriet made a face. "But why my uniform?" "I got soaked in the rain before I got up here," she explained, "and when I started sneezing, Bud suggested I use your uniform. And then we went tooling down to Norfolk....You wouldn't believe how the NCIS guys looked at me when they found out I was a Marine." The major smiled a small smile. "I can imagine," Harriet chuckled. "But, ma'am, that still doesn't explain why you and the commander...." The smile fell from the major's lips. "No, it doesn't." She looked away from Harriet's interested gaze. "I really don't want to talk about this, but...." She looked up, her brown eyes fierce. "If I tell you this, it goes no further. You will not tell Bud about this, and most especially, you will not tell Harm." "I swear," Harriet answered, baffled. "I can keep a secret." "I know," said the major, suddenly contrite. "But this...this is something that shouldn't have happened." She fell silent. "Ma'am?" "Before we went down to Norfolk, Harm had been looking through some letters from an old girlfriend. Her name was Diane Schonke." "Diane Schonke? Why does that name sound familiar?" Harriet rummaged through her memory. "Schonke, Schonke...oh, now I remember! The Cryptology lieutenant who got murdered. The one who looked just like you!" The major winced. "Has everybody heard of this woman but me?" "Well, I came on board the _Seahawk_ not long after she was killed, ma'am," Harriet reminded her. "People were still talking about it, and the Crypto wonks had set up a little webpage in her memory. And that was back before the Web was very big, so it seemed really impressive; it had her picture and everything. When you came on board the _Seahawk_ for the first time, everybody was talking about your resemblance to Lt. Schonke. But I guess they didn't want to talk about it to your face. Probably afraid they'd spook you." "I wish they had. Then I would have been prepared." "Is that what this is all about, ma'am?" Harriet asked, surprised. "You heard about Lt. Schonke?" "Harm had told me I looked like someone he knew, and that she was dead. But he never told me she was an old girlfriend. Or that she'd been murdered. Or that he...." The major trailed off. "I guess you could say it spooked me." "Ma'am, you're still not telling me everything." Harriet kept her tone even. "And somehow I have a feeling my uniform ties into this. It made you look like Lt. Schonke, didn't it?" The major lowered her voice. "Yes." "So what happened?" The major took a deep breath, and lowered her voice still further. "After we saw Commander Holbarth die...Harm kissed me." Harriet looked at her. Blinked. Blinked again. "And this is a bad thing?" "Yes!" she hissed. Quietly. "Don't you understand? He wasn't kissing me; he was kissing a dead woman!" Harriet kept her own voice down. "He _said_ he was kissing Lt. Schonke?" "No. He didn't have to say it. It was fairly obvious, once the heat of the moment was gone." "Tell me you didn't say that to the commander." "Of course I did. I wasn't going to wait for him to say it to me." "Oh, Lord," Harriet groaned. "So he thinks you gave him a mercy kiss? Are you nuts?" The major boggled visibly. "You don't understand. He was...." "Uh, ma'am, pardon me if I look skeptical, but I've never seen Commander Rabb as the necrophiliac type. Did he call you Diane or something?" "No." "Did he talk to you in some weird, spaced-out way?" "No." "Well, you can't be that similar in personality. All those Crypto wonks work hard to keep their lovely lime green tans, and most of them are nerds and proud of it." "Bud said she was more fun than I was," the major said unwillingly. "Bud's a nerd," Harriet said patiently. "Of course he liked her jokes better. They were from the same culture. Anyway, ma'am, we had twins in my school and we could tell them apart after about two days. Totally different personalities, even when they dressed the same way to try and fool us." "I know about twins. We had some in my school, too." "Then why in the world would you think he didn't know who he was kissing? I mean, he's known you for two years, and worked with you under all kinds of conditions. And most men don't seem to have much trouble keeping their mind on a woman who's kissing them...you did kiss him back, right?" "Of course I..." "So is he a good kisser?" "The best," the major said without thinking. Harriet grinned. "Good." "But he couldn't have been kissing me!" the major continued to say in a whisper. "We're partners! We're best friends! And that's it! We've always maintained a professional relationship, and Harm never...." "Well, now he has." Harriet looked at the major sympathetically. "I know that regulations are going to make this difficult. But really, I always thought you and the commander would end up together. There was just too much chemistry between you." She sighed happily. "I'll be sure to throw you the bouquet, ma'am." "You will not." "Oh, yes I will! You're my maid of honor, after all!" "You are enjoying this too much." "You had your turn doing matchmaking. Now I get to return the favor." "This is not happening," the major moaned. "Yes, it is." Harriet turned serious for a minute. "Ma'am, you are just going to have to accept that the commander finds you attractive and is probably in love with you. And that you're not depressed anymore." The major looked at her. Blinked. "You're right." "So, now all you have to figure out is how to get around the regs and how to get back together with the commander. Which I'm sure a crazy devil dog Marine lawyer is more than capable of doing." "If I was in fact in love with Harm, if he was in love with me, _and_ if he was actually kissing me instead of Diane. Which is all just speculation." Harriet shrugged. "Better than denial." She smiled. The seed of thought had been planted. Time to go away and let it germinate. "I'm just a crazy romantic, ma'am. Ignore me. But I guess I'd better go after those files you needed." The major smiled back, shaking her head. "And I thought Marines were supposed to be the crazy ones.... But thank you." "Any time, ma'am." Harriet smiled to herself as she left the major's office. Her smile fell from her lips when she saw the commander sitting alone in his office, looking like the personification of Desolate. It was too bad she couldn't tell him, but she had promised. And a promise was a promise. But maybe she could give Bud a little hint.... Then again, Major Mackenzie was a resourceful Marine. Once she put her mind to something, who knew what would happen? But if all else failed, they could use the bouquet and the garter. Maybe she should get Bud practicing his throw now. THE END +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Maureen S. O'Brien mobrien@dnaco.net http://www.dnaco.net/~mobrien/fanfic/ http://www.dnaco.net/~mobrien/filk/media/jagfilk/