or, What Happens When Mary Has Had Little Or No Sleep And Watches Too Much Television
Warning: No plot whatsoever. Blame McKay. And Sheppard.
Summary: Lestrade and Holmes have a conversation with Maryís new
muses, who have several questions concerning their duties.
Lestrade: Okay, hereís the deal.
Holmes: We do not want any H/L. Other than that, youíre free to do
as you wish.
McKay: Itís quite simple. They donít want any Huge Limitations.
Lestrade: No. We donít want any Holmes/Lestrade pairings.
Sheppard: Ah. Well then, what about L/H?
Lestrade: Like the man said, anything other than H/L is fine.
Holmes: Hold on, Lestrade. I believe they are referring to
McKay: Well, you did say anything other than H/L is fine.
Sheppard: Holmes did say it.
Lestrade: (beginning to get annoyed, shoots McKay and Sheppard her
most potent death glare) There is to be no romance between me and
Sheppard: No what?
Lestrade: Romance between me and Holmes
McKay: Really? Thereís romance between you and Holmes?
Lestrade: Argh! No!
McKay: Are you sure? Because according to these other stories by
McKay: Whatís wrong with it?
Sheppard: Oh, nothing, except for the fact that it isnít even a
McKay: Itís better than Puddlejumper.
Sheppard: No. No, it isnít.
McKay: Fine, Mister Iím-Cooler-Than-Everybody-Else-So-I-Get-To-
Holmes: As amusing as this argument is, it is immaterial to the
conversation at present.
Sheppard: Hey, thatís actually a cool nickname.
Sheppard: No. Not really. I just thought Iíd try and make you feel
McKay: Feel better about what?
Sheppard: About the fact that youíre an arrogant S.O.B.
McKay: At least I donít go around with hair gel in my hair that
makes it look like I just got out of bed.
Sheppard: You donít have enough hair for that.
Lestrade: Thatís better. Now, like I said. As long as there isnít
any romance between myself and Holmes....
Sheppard: But whereís the fun in that?
Lestrade and Holmes: (Groan)
Lestrade: Itís hopeless, isnít it?
McKay: Yes. Yes it is. And weíre all going to die.
Sheppard: McKay, will you leave off with the dying thing? It gets
annoying after the, oh I donít know, five hundredth time.
Lestrade and Holmes: (slowly walk back to their own universe while
McKay and Sheppard continue to bicker)
McKay: Hey! Somebodyís gotta be practical.
Sheppard: That somebody certainly isnít you.
Mary: (groans and puts her head in her hands) Why do I get stuck
with the weirdos?