Bargaining

by Mary C.
7/29/04

General Disclaimer


Bargaining;
or, What Happens When Mary Has Had Little Or No Sleep And Watches Too Much Television

Warning: No plot whatsoever. Blame McKay. And Sheppard.

Summary: Lestrade and Holmes have a conversation with Maryís new muses, who have several questions concerning their duties.


Lestrade: Okay, hereís the deal.

Holmes: We do not want any H/L. Other than that, youíre free to do as you wish.

Sheppard: H/L?

McKay: Itís quite simple. They donít want any Huge Limitations.

Lestrade: No. We donít want any Holmes/Lestrade pairings.

Sheppard: Ah. Well then, what about L/H?

Lestrade: Like the man said, anything other than H/L is fine.

Holmes: Hold on, Lestrade. I believe they are referring to Lestrade/Holmes.

McKay: Well, you did say anything other than H/L is fine.

Lestrade: No.

McKay: Yes.

Lestrade: No.

McKay: Yes.

Sheppard: Holmes did say it.

Lestrade: (beginning to get annoyed, shoots McKay and Sheppard her most potent death glare) There is to be no romance between me and Holmes, whatsoever.

Sheppard: No what?

Lestrade: Romance between me and Holmes

McKay: Really? Thereís romance between you and Holmes?

Lestrade: Argh! No!

McKay: Are you sure? Because according to these other stories by our musee....

Sheppard: 'Musee'?

McKay: Whatís wrong with it?

Sheppard: Oh, nothing, except for the fact that it isnít even a word!

McKay: Itís better than Puddlejumper.

Sheppard: No. No, it isnít.

McKay: Fine, Mister Iím-Cooler-Than-Everybody-Else-So-I-Get-To- Name-Things.

Holmes: As amusing as this argument is, it is immaterial to the conversation at present.

Sheppard: Hey, thatís actually a cool nickname.

McKay: Really?

Sheppard: No. Not really. I just thought Iíd try and make you feel better.

McKay: Feel better about what?

Sheppard: About the fact that youíre an arrogant S.O.B.

McKay: At least I donít go around with hair gel in my hair that makes it look like I just got out of bed.

Sheppard: You donít have enough hair for that.

Lestrade: (Screams)

Everyone: (Stares)

Lestrade: Thatís better. Now, like I said. As long as there isnít any romance between myself and Holmes....

Sheppard: But whereís the fun in that?

Lestrade and Holmes: (Groan)

Lestrade: Itís hopeless, isnít it?

Holmes: Yes.

McKay: Yes. Yes it is. And weíre all going to die.

Sheppard: McKay, will you leave off with the dying thing? It gets annoying after the, oh I donít know, five hundredth time.

Lestrade and Holmes: (slowly walk back to their own universe while McKay and Sheppard continue to bicker)

McKay: Hey! Somebodyís gotta be practical.

Sheppard: That somebody certainly isnít you.

Mary: (groans and puts her head in her hands) Why do I get stuck with the weirdos?


THE END
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