Behind the Scenes on SH22

by Brittney

General Disclaimer

well, i was reading 'Things You'd Never Hear Them Say' (or something like that) and i thought 'what do they really say during break?' so here's my version:

Holmes: Watson, where's my brush? That last action scene really messed up my hair!

Lestrade (to director): I was thinking, I don't want to be a tomboy! I want to be a fair, delecate lady who Holmes is secretly in love with, but...

Holmes: *looks pleased*

Moriarty: What?!?! No way! You can't do that!

Holmes (who was looking forward to it): And why can't she?

Fenwick: Because she's in love with me!!

All: *gasp and stare at Lestrade. Holmes looks particularly hurt.*

Lestrade: I am not!! Eewwwwww!! Not even funny!!

Holmes: Ha!!

Director (who had been quiet the whole time): Stop! All of you, just stop! You're driving me mad! it's a wonder your show's so big!

Fenwick: We need a new director.

Holmes: I vote Watson.

All: *nod heads in agreement*

Watson: I'm touched!

Director: You all can't do that!

Holmes: Why can't I? I am Sherlock Holmes, after all!

*All gang up on director and throw him out the door. Watson takes place in directors chair.*

Watson: Fenwick, fetch me some cookies!!

*Holmes and Lestrade look at Watson in amazement*

Fenwick: Yes, master. What kind: chocolate chip or sugar?

Moriarty: Fenwick, you fool! I'm your master, not that robot!! Fetch _me_ some cookies! Sugar cookies.

Watson: Fenwick, if you don't bring me cookies, I'll have you fired!

Fenwick: *gasp* Right away, Mr. Watson! *runs off to find cookies*

Moriarty: But...but...You don't even eat!

Lestrade and Holmes: *start laughing like crazy*

Watson: So? I felt like seeing cookies.

Moriarty: *mumbles inappropriate words under his breath.*

Holmes: *laughs even harder*

Watson: Moriarty, in the next scene, I want you to wear this dress.

Moriarty: WHAT????!!!!!

Holmes: *so startled at what he heard that he stops laughing. then he imagines moriarty in a pink dress and laughs till he cries.*

Watson: i always thought that the show wasn't funny enough. this is the perfect thing to get the ratings to go up!

Moriarty: No way!!!! I quit! Forget this!

Holmes: *tries to make some witty remark to Moriarty as he stomps off, but the image of Moriarty in a dress won't go away and Holmes can't stop laughing*

Fenwick: *returns with plate full of cookies*

Watson: Fenwick, wear this for the next scene. Or you're fired! *tosses Fenwick a pink dress*

Fenwick (who's REALLY desperate for a job): Yes, Master!

Lestrade: *rolls on the ground with fits of laughter*

Watson: And, Holmes? You are now the sidekick. I'm the great detective!!

Holmes: *stops laughing*

Watson: From now on, the show will be called 'Watson: the Super Cool Detective Robot'. What do you think?

Holmes: Balderdash! What sort of show has this become?

Watson: A better one; for me.

Holmes: And me?

Lestrade (between laughs at Holmes' expression): that really depends on how you well you go along with it, wouldn't you say?

Watson: Now, Lestrade, what were you saying before about fair, delecate ladies...?

Lestrade: *explains everything to Watson*


Watson: Ah, Fenwick! So we meet again!

*Fenwick comes out wearing a pink dress*

Holmes (with no enthusiasm): Watch it, Superior Watson. Or Fenwick shall carry out his plan to take over the world.

Watson: No worries, my boy! That isn't likely to happen with _me_ around!

Holmes: *rolls eyes in background*

Lestrade: Help! Help! Fenwick is going to get me!

Watson: Stop! In the name of the British Law!

Fenwick: Oh, drat! You caught me! Now I will not be able to take over the world!

Holmes (in monotone): Wow, Watson. You're so awesome. I could never have done that.

Watson: Someday, my boy, you might develop to be half as good as me!! Just keep trying!

Holmes: *noticeably grits his teeth*

Watson: *looks directly at camera and winks.*

*rolling credits come on*

Moriarty: *Turns off T.V. in disgust.* I'm glad I quit. My new job is way better! *looks at person standing in front of him* Welcome to Jack in the Box! May I take your order?

i have no idea why i wrote this. i'm in a weird mood and sort of tired. it's all just rubbish. sorry it's so long, but i hope you liked it, anyway!

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