well, i was reading 'Things You'd Never Hear Them Say' (or
something like that) and i thought 'what do they really say during
break?' so here's my version:
Holmes: Watson, where's my brush? That last action scene really
messed up my hair!
Lestrade (to director): I was thinking, I don't want to be a tomboy!
I want to be a fair, delecate lady who Holmes is secretly in love
Holmes: *looks pleased*
Moriarty: What?!?! No way! You can't do that!
Holmes (who was looking forward to it): And why can't she?
Fenwick: Because she's in love with me!!
All: *gasp and stare at Lestrade. Holmes looks particularly hurt.*
Lestrade: I am not!! Eewwwwww!! Not even funny!!
Director (who had been quiet the whole time): Stop! All of you,
just stop! You're driving me mad! it's a wonder your show's so big!
Fenwick: We need a new director.
Holmes: I vote Watson.
All: *nod heads in agreement*
Watson: I'm touched!
Director: You all can't do that!
Holmes: Why can't I? I am Sherlock Holmes, after all!
*All gang up on director and throw him out the door. Watson takes
place in directors chair.*
Watson: Fenwick, fetch me some cookies!!
*Holmes and Lestrade look at Watson in amazement*
Fenwick: Yes, master. What kind: chocolate chip or sugar?
Moriarty: Fenwick, you fool! I'm your master, not that robot!!
Fetch _me_ some cookies! Sugar cookies.
Watson: Fenwick, if you don't bring me cookies, I'll have you
Fenwick: *gasp* Right away, Mr. Watson! *runs off to find cookies*
Moriarty: But...but...You don't even eat!
Lestrade and Holmes: *start laughing like crazy*
Watson: So? I felt like seeing cookies.
Moriarty: *mumbles inappropriate words under his breath.*
Holmes: *laughs even harder*
Watson: Moriarty, in the next scene, I want you to wear this dress.
Holmes: *so startled at what he heard that he stops laughing. then
he imagines moriarty in a pink dress and laughs till he cries.*
Watson: i always thought that the show wasn't funny enough. this is
the perfect thing to get the ratings to go up!
Moriarty: No way!!!! I quit! Forget this!
Holmes: *tries to make some witty remark to Moriarty as he stomps
off, but the image of Moriarty in a dress won't go away and Holmes
can't stop laughing*
Fenwick: *returns with plate full of cookies*
Watson: Fenwick, wear this for the next scene. Or you're fired!
*tosses Fenwick a pink dress*
Fenwick (who's REALLY desperate for a job): Yes, Master!
Lestrade: *rolls on the ground with fits of laughter*
Watson: And, Holmes? You are now the sidekick. I'm the great
Holmes: *stops laughing*
Watson: From now on, the show will be called 'Watson: the Super
Cool Detective Robot'. What do you think?
Holmes: Balderdash! What sort of show has this become?
Watson: A better one; for me.
Holmes: And me?
Lestrade (between laughs at Holmes' expression): that really
depends on how you well you go along with it, wouldn't you say?
Watson: Now, Lestrade, what were you saying before about fair,
Lestrade: *explains everything to Watson*
WE ARE NOW WATCHING A SCENE FROM 'WATSON: THE SUPER COOL DETECTIVE
Watson: Ah, Fenwick! So we meet again!
*Fenwick comes out wearing a pink dress*
Holmes (with no enthusiasm): Watch it, Superior Watson. Or Fenwick
shall carry out his plan to take over the world.
Watson: No worries, my boy! That isn't likely to happen with _me_
Holmes: *rolls eyes in background*
Lestrade: Help! Help! Fenwick is going to get me!
Watson: Stop! In the name of the British Law!
Fenwick: Oh, drat! You caught me! Now I will not be able to take
over the world!
Holmes (in monotone): Wow, Watson. You're so awesome. I could never
have done that.
Watson: Someday, my boy, you might develop to be half as good as
me!! Just keep trying!
Holmes: *noticeably grits his teeth*
Watson: *looks directly at camera and winks.*
*rolling credits come on*
Moriarty: *Turns off T.V. in disgust.* I'm glad I quit. My new job
is way better! *looks at person standing in front of him* Welcome to
Jack in the Box! May I take your order?