Chapter Thirteen: Method to his madness

Artemis had managed to extricate a flashlight (from one of his jacket's many pockets) with his hands tied. He was relatively sure he'd pulled a muscle. Making a mental note to visit the chiropractor if and when he got home, Artemis switched on the flashlight.

The Inspector was kneeling with her eyes closed beside that horridly disfigured little man who'd saved her life. Holmes and Holly had knocked Moriarty unconscious, mostly due to Holly's night vision. Holmes' little children were still bound to that railing. The girl looked like she was waking up.

"Not meaning to interrupt or anything, but if it isn’t too much trouble, perhaps one of you two might possibly consider untying me?" Artemis asked sarcastically as Holmes used his undone bonds to tie up the Professor.

"Artemis, you always mean to interrupt or something." Nonetheless, Holly did as he asked.

As Artemis attempted to regain circulation in his wrists, Lestrade opened her eyes again and, after processing the situation, came over to join them. "We gotta find Watson," she monotoned.

"So I was about to mention," Holmes replied, looking purposefully from her to Fenwick.

Lestrade shook her head. "None of your business."

"Which means he’ll find out anyways," piped up Deidre, now fully awake.

"Shush up, kid, or we won’t untie you."

"Back to Watson...."

Holly started melting the Irregular’s chains. Lasers were so useful. "Someone, and either Beth or I, have to go get him."

"Why?" Deidre asked shaking off the ruined metal.

"In case they run into some goblins and need a scrape fixed in a hurry."

"Huh?" Deidre brushed off the remnants of her chains

The others understood, however, and the explanations ended there.

"First call Foaly and see if he can get us some backup. I’d feel at least minimally safer if I had dear old Captain Trouble’s Cub Scout squad covering my back."

"Watch your mouth, Fowl." Holly responded. "Besides, we can’t. Even if the magma flares are down, no one belowground can know about all this." She waved her arms around to emphasize her point.

"Yes, we can. We’ll just say you got a lead and found all this. Holmes and the others’ll leave and no one will know. With Foaly backing us up, no one will ask," Artemis responded.

Holly bit her lip and opened her mouth to retort. She closed it again however and sent Foaly a message. "So now what? It’ll take a while for anyone to get here." Her expression tightened and she shifted her weight uneasily. She hadn’t wanted to bring LEP into this....

"Well, since everyone here knows how to turn on a basic level law enforcement droid, looks like rock-paper-scissors time."

"What?" chorused the Artemis’ companions. This was quite un-Artemis-like behaviour.

"To decide who goes to find Watson and who stays with the...kids."

"I resent that!" Deidre gave Artemis the evil eye, arms akimbo.

No one seemed to care, though, and, despite grumbling from Holmes, the four adults rock-paper-scissored their way to deciding that Holmes and Holly went with the laser and Artemis and Lestrade stayed with the flashlight.

*****

Once Holmes and Holly's footsteps' had faded away, Lestrade settled down and closed her eyes to digest the recent events. Artemis, bless him, didn't try to talk to her. Unfortunately Deidre didn't take the hint.

"So, Inspector, what exactly's goin' on 'ere?"

Lestrade sighed mentally. "Different things."

"Well, there's a surprise! What sort of things?"

"Things that don't concern you," Artemis answered.

"Really! Well! Just who do you think you are? Mister-"

Lestrade blocked out the sound of her voice and went back to sorting out her thoughts. She honestly tried to make it all make sense. Unfortunately her train of thought was becoming somewhat disturbing. She opted for listening to Artemis and Deidre argue.

"So what do you think?" Artemis had finally gotten Deidre off his back.

"Huh?" Lestrade looked up, confused.

"Why do you think he did...all this?"

"All WHAT EXACTLY?! Mr. 'Olmes would tell me! ...Maybe...."

Lestrade bit her bottom lip and glanced up at Artemis. "Because he's crazy."

"But how so?"

"Just plain crazy! He made this whole thing up to kill off Holmes and I! He obviously found out about the faery civilization ("FAERIES?!") and hooked up with the goblins. He's been trying to take over the world for quite a while. He found an army in the goblins. All he had to do was get rid of Holmes."

"But his main goal here seemed to kill you...for your own good."

"WHAT?!" Deidre didn’t like being left in the dark.

"He's crazy," Lestrade repeated lamely.

"I'm not denying that. But are you sure there isn't a, pardon the expression, method to his madness, or do you just not want to admit to certain things?"

"What things?"

"Shut up, Deidre. Well, Fowl, if you're so terribly smart, why don't you tell me what you think is going on?" Lestrade flashed Artemis a glare before raising her eyebrows.

"I thought you'd never ask. As I see it, Moriarty's father is also yours and Holly's. Moriarty found out about this, and the fairy civilisation, either recently or in his first life. He then developed some sort of affection for you and went on to realise that if you ever found out you were related to him, you wouldn't be happy.

"So he organises the goblins and has them attack the Haven, the fairy capital, and dispose of any evidence of your siblings or other family. Just in case you knew about the fairies.

"This is all instead -- instead, of having them kidnap world leaders or something more useful to the whole world-domination scheme. Now, somewhere along the line he went crazy, I'll admit that man is definitely not sane. Even for an evil criminal mastermind. And I should know. So, in his insanity, he decided that the only way to keep you from getting hurt was to kill you. And so he arranged this." Artemis said all this in one breath.

Lestrade blinked. She supposed now would be a good time to come up with a brilliant counter-theory, but, unfortunately, none came to mind. Zed.

"Wait, wait, wait. ‘Ow could Moriarty be related to the Inspector? I mean, she’s annoying but she’s not absolutely revolting!" Deidre had on a horrified face. "And the ‘ole bit about ‘im, like, liking her, well that’s just gross." She made a loud gagging sound to express just how gross she found the situation.

Artemis ignored her. "Well?"

Lestrade blinked again. "Look, Artemis, where do you get off? How could you possibly say that? Never mind think it? It...it...."

"Makes sense?"

"Is ridiculous?" Artemis and Deidre finished her sentence for her with two different opinions.

"Yes! No! ... zed?"

"So you agree?" Artemis raised an eyebrow.

"Well...I s-suppose, but it’s absolutely ridiculous and it’s just so...so...."

"Strange?"

"Ridiculous?"

"Stop finishing my sentences! I suppose it’s possible. But we could be wrong and there’s actually a perfectly rational explanation for this, right?"

Deidre nodded in agreement but Artemis just raised his other eyebrow.