by Alicia (aisumitsukai at home.com)
9/11/02; Revised 2/16/03
Chapter Thirteen: Method to his madness
Artemis had managed to extricate a flashlight (from one of his
jacket's many pockets) with his hands tied. He was relatively sure
he'd pulled a muscle. Making a mental note to visit the
chiropractor if and when he got home, Artemis switched on the
The Inspector was kneeling with her eyes closed beside that
horridly disfigured little man who'd saved her life. Holmes and Holly
had knocked Moriarty unconscious, mostly due to Holly's night vision.
Holmes' little children were still bound to that railing. The girl
looked like she was waking up.
"Not meaning to interrupt or anything, but if it isnít
too much trouble, perhaps one of you two might possibly
consider untying me?" Artemis asked sarcastically as Holmes
used his undone bonds to tie up the Professor.
"Artemis, you always mean to interrupt or something."
Nonetheless, Holly did as he asked.
As Artemis attempted to regain circulation in his wrists,
Lestrade opened her eyes again and, after processing the situation,
came over to join them. "We gotta find Watson," she monotoned.
"So I was about to mention," Holmes replied, looking purposefully
from her to Fenwick.
Lestrade shook her head. "None of your business."
"Which means heíll find out anyways," piped up Deidre, now fully
"Shush up, kid, or we wonít untie you."
"Back to Watson...."
Holly started melting the Irregularís chains. Lasers were so
useful. "Someone, and either Beth or I, have to go get him."
"Why?" Deidre asked shaking off the ruined metal.
"In case they run into some goblins and need a scrape fixed in a
"Huh?" Deidre brushed off the remnants of her chains
The others understood, however, and the explanations ended there.
"First call Foaly and see if he can get us some backup. Iíd feel
at least minimally safer if I had dear old Captain Troubleís Cub
Scout squad covering my back."
"Watch your mouth, Fowl." Holly responded. "Besides, we canít.
Even if the magma flares are down, no one belowground can know
about all this." She waved her arms around to emphasize her
"Yes, we can. Weíll just say you got a lead and found all this.
Holmes and the othersíll leave and no one will know. With Foaly
backing us up, no one will ask," Artemis responded.
Holly bit her lip and opened her mouth to retort. She closed it
again however and sent Foaly a message. "So now what? Itíll take
a while for anyone to get here." Her expression tightened and
she shifted her weight uneasily. She hadnít wanted to bring LEP
"Well, since everyone here knows how to turn on a basic level law
enforcement droid, looks like rock-paper-scissors time."
"What?" chorused the Artemisí companions. This was quite
"To decide who goes to find Watson and who stays with the...kids."
"I resent that!" Deidre gave Artemis the evil eye, arms akimbo.
No one seemed to care, though, and, despite grumbling from Holmes,
the four adults rock-paper-scissored their way to deciding that
Holmes and Holly went with the laser and Artemis and Lestrade
stayed with the flashlight.
Once Holmes and Holly's footsteps' had faded away, Lestrade
settled down and closed her eyes to digest the recent events.
Artemis, bless him, didn't try to talk to her. Unfortunately
Deidre didn't take the hint.
"So, Inspector, what exactly's goin' on 'ere?"
Lestrade sighed mentally. "Different things."
"Well, there's a surprise! What sort of things?"
"Things that don't concern you," Artemis answered.
"Really! Well! Just who do you think you are? Mister-"
Lestrade blocked out the sound of her voice and went back to
sorting out her thoughts. She honestly tried to make it all make
sense. Unfortunately her train of thought was becoming somewhat
disturbing. She opted for listening to Artemis and Deidre argue.
"So what do you think?" Artemis had finally gotten Deidre off his
"Huh?" Lestrade looked up, confused.
"Why do you think he did...all this?"
"All WHAT EXACTLY?! Mr. 'Olmes would tell me! ...Maybe...."
Lestrade bit her bottom lip and glanced up at Artemis. "Because
"But how so?"
"Just plain crazy! He made this whole thing up to kill off Holmes
and I! He obviously found out about the faery civilization
("FAERIES?!") and hooked up with the goblins. He's been trying to
take over the world for quite a while. He found an army in the
goblins. All he had to do was get rid of Holmes."
"But his main goal here seemed to kill you...for your own good."
"WHAT?!" Deidre didnít like being left in the dark.
"He's crazy," Lestrade repeated lamely.
"I'm not denying that. But are you sure there isn't a, pardon the
expression, method to his madness, or do you just not want to
admit to certain things?"
"Shut up, Deidre. Well, Fowl, if you're so terribly smart, why
don't you tell me what you think is going on?" Lestrade flashed
Artemis a glare before raising her eyebrows.
"I thought you'd never ask. As I see it, Moriarty's father is
also yours and Holly's. Moriarty found out about this, and the
fairy civilisation, either recently or in his first life. He then
developed some sort of affection for you and went on to realise
that if you ever found out you were related to him, you wouldn't
"So he organises the goblins and has them attack the Haven, the
fairy capital, and dispose of any evidence of your siblings or
other family. Just in case you knew about the fairies.
"This is all instead -- instead, of having them kidnap world leaders
or something more useful to the whole world-domination scheme.
Now, somewhere along the line he went crazy, I'll admit that man
is definitely not sane. Even for an evil criminal mastermind. And
I should know. So, in his insanity, he decided that the only way
to keep you from getting hurt was to kill you. And so he arranged
this." Artemis said all this in one breath.
Lestrade blinked. She supposed now would be a good time to come
up with a brilliant counter-theory, but, unfortunately, none came
to mind. Zed.
"Wait, wait, wait. ĎOw could Moriarty be related to the
Inspector? I mean, sheís annoying but sheís not absolutely
revolting!" Deidre had on a horrified face. "And the Ďole bit
about Ďim, like, liking her, well thatís just gross." She made a
loud gagging sound to express just how gross she found the
Artemis ignored her. "Well?"
Lestrade blinked again. "Look, Artemis, where do you get off? How
could you possibly say that? Never mind think it? It...it...."
"Is ridiculous?" Artemis and Deidre finished her sentence for her
with two different opinions.
"Yes! No! ... zed?"
"So you agree?" Artemis raised an eyebrow.
"Well...I s-suppose, but itís absolutely ridiculous and itís just
"Stop finishing my sentences! I suppose itís possible. But we
could be wrong and thereís actually a perfectly rational
explanation for this, right?"
Deidre nodded in agreement but Artemis just raised his other
On to Chapter 14!
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