I Never Thought It Would End This Way

by Julie Meyer (inspectorjulie02 at yahoo.com)
10/20/02

Julie here...I thought, while I was in a sharing kind of mood, I would send in the songfic that inspired me to draw fanart I sent ya not too long ago.

DISCLAIMER: I would like to make it clear to everyone out there who might be reading this that I in no way, shape, nor form own Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century , its characters, or its themes. I also do not in any way own the song "Mine All Mine" by SheDaisy. Thank you!

They say you should hold onto good things while you have them, because if you donít life will pass you by and theyíll be gone forever. This became a reality in my life much sooner than I had really expected it to. I still remember the night I nearly lost everything; my whole future became a simple thread blowing taut against the wind, and with the slightest gust I would have had nothing left to live for.

The sun kisses the windowsill and I am still
On my second cup of pity me
It's been a long night chasing ghosts but at the most
It's been a rude awakening
That all too late I finally see

I remember the chilly breeze catching the leaves and tree branches outside my lit window, on the shadowy New London streets. The breeze was casting an eerie feeling over the already morbid night. There was no moon, nor any stars to be seen for miles. The fog was too thick for anything that beautiful to shine through. The only light came from my window, the lone window where I sat crying horrible tears of shame, anger and despair. I couldnít believe the things I had done earlier that day had been a reality. It all seemed so untrue and make-believe now. Though in my heart, I knew they had happened; I knew them to be reality; I knew I had lost one of the only friends I had ever had.

The events which had taken place were still very vivid in my mind, and the terrible thing about them was the fact that they seemed to rewind over and over again in my head....

It had all started earlier in the day. I had just received an assignment from Chief Inspector Grayson of New Scotland Yard; it was an easy one, to say the least; and of course I wished to finish it as soon as I could. However, the once 'easy' assignment soon turned into a very annoying enigma. I was angry, tired, and just simply stressed out with the entire fiasco.

By mid-morning I decided to take a rest in the Yardís cafeteria. Any other day, I would have welcomed Holmesí help; however, I was very determined to solve this case on my own. As I was sipping my coffee, my friend and colleague Sherlock Holmes took a seat next to me, without my notice. (I was too busy trying to relax.) He spoke.

"Having trouble with a case, Lestrade?"

I was quite taken aback. I hadnít been expecting someone to be next to me, let alone Holmes. I was so rattled by his words, in fact, that I spilled the rest of my coffee on my uniform, and dropped the cup onto the hard tile floor. After I regained my bearings I knelt for the cup, grabbing it and then sitting it on the table. About ready to explode, I then looked at him, but saw apology written on his face and decided to just stay silent. I was about ready to greet him when a sudden and slightly mimicking tone uttered from his person.

"Well...."

That had done it. He had really punched all of my buttons this time. I didnít care about anything anymore. I didnít want to solve the case, I didnít want to ask him for help -- zed, I didnít even want to look at him. Out of nowhere I stood and slapped him across the face, pure hatred glaring from my eyes. I hated him so much at that very moment, so much. As he looked at me with confusion and a bit of pain, I stared him down screaming out, and meaning, every single word coming from my mouth. Cutting through him like a knife.

"Oh, grow up...how could you come in here and be so impudent? Itís clearly obvious that Iím having trouble with something, and itís also pretty damn obvious that you seem to have fun making it known to the whole zedding world! You always act like you're a ruddy two-year-old! I hate it! Why canít you, for once, be grown up about something?? Itís always 'I know this', and 'I know that'...'eyes and brains, Lestrade'!! Well, let me tell you something....I have eyes and I have a brain! They may not be as perfect as yours seem to be, but I have them. And you know what? I am sick and tired of always being the center of your jokes and humor!!"

With that I turned away from him, not caring what he wanted to say back to me. I began to walk off, though I turned around once I felt and heard him coming toward me. I pointed a finger at him and spoke with a strange seriousness and hint of sorrow in my voice.

"Goodbye, Holmes...goodbye!"

I then turned for a final time, never wanting to see him again, or so I thought. I heard him utter my name though I didnít look back.

That it's
My loss, my lonely
My mistake, mine only
Mine all, mine all mine
And it's my bad, my broken
All my should have's left unspoken
Mine all, mine all mine

As I crawled into my hovercraft I couldnít think straight, I had so much anger inside of me, though I couldnít understand why burning tears were leaking from my eyes. I quietly wiped them away and started driving...

I drove you to the edge of the map and after that
I pushed you off just to watch you fall
You never were the bounce back kind
But boy this time you've proven me wrong after all
Now I'm the one who's gonna crawl

As the memories of the mid-morning argument replayed in my mind I began to wonder about a lot of things. How could I have exploded like that? Why does he always have to be such a jerk? Whatís the point anymore? As I thought I came to a decision, I had to apologize, after all Holmes didnít mean anything by his comments earlier...maybe he simply wanted to help me out. With my decision clearly in my mind I once again returned to my hovercraft and started it up. After wiping away my tears I began my journey to 221B Baker Street.

'Cause it's
My loss, my lonely
My mistake, mine only
Mine all, mine all mine
And it's my bad, my broken
All my should have's left unspoken
Mine all, mine all mine

As I crawled out of my hovercraft, the rain started to fall. The gloomy day had finally broken with one gigantic burst of thunder and now God and the angels were weeping terribly from the heavens. Pouring their tears down upon me. As I began to walk toward the steps which lead to Holmesís flat I looked up at his window, and with my movement I saw the curtains move as if to hide an onlooker.

"Of course," I thought, once again angered and depressed, "Of course he would have already known I was coming. He knows everything!"

With that I kicked at a forming puddle on the ground, falling to my knees, in the middle of the street soaking wet from the rain. The events from earlier seemed to resurface in my mind once more, and I forgot all about the apology and return of friendship...I didnít care, I just didnít care.

As I sat in the rain I reached up to my badge, ripping it off and throwing it to the ground. I then reached for my ionizer and changed its setting, not thinking about anything but the satisfaction of proving him wrong. The only thought running through my mind was "Are you watching now, Holmes?? Bet you didnít see this one coming!"

Always thought I'd get to sorry
But the chance has come and gone
So if it finds its way back in
I'll hold on hold on hold on

Just as I was about to reach for the trigger, however, something stopped me...it was a voice, calling my name. It wasnít carried with mocking or a joke, it was filled with concern and disbelief. I looked up through the fog and pouring rain and saw the last person I expected to see in my delirious state. It was Holmes...standing not ten feet in front of me. As I looked at him I began to think very hard and realized he didnít hate me, and he didnít mean to hurt me with his words. He truly cared about me.

I was suddenly pulled from my thoughts as I felt a tug on the ionizer in my hand, and then the feeling of it leaving my grasp all together. Holmes had taken it from my taut fingers and was kneeling in front of me on the street, giving me a very concerned and worried look. Without hesitation I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him, and soon felt his arms encompassing me. It felt so right, I knew it was time for my apology.

'Cause itís
My loss, my lonely
My mistake, mine only

"Oh Holmes...Iím so sorry." As I melted in his embrace all of the anger and embarrassment seemed to lift off my mind, "I....!"

"Shhhh..." he hushed me with a gentle whisper, his hands caressing my back. "Itís not you who should be sorry, Lestrade. Itís me...I didnít realize my jests were hurting you so much." He looked at me then, lifting my head with his fingertips. "I am truly sorry."

As I looked into his eyes I knew I could trust him, and I knew that he truly cared. There was sincerity in his baby blue eyes. It was then that I did something I never dreamed I would ever do...I kissed him.

At first I could tell he was taken aback, a bit nervous, but I figured that was okay; he had startled me many times before. I figured it was a simple case of payback. He soon, however, settled himself and kissed me back with more passion then I had started the whole affair with. He kissed me as if he had wanted to his entire life, though never knowing exactly how.

Lestrade and Holmes kissing

Mine all, mine all, mine all mine

Then suddenly he pulled back looking into my eyes, smiling a bit. For the first time since his arrival he noticed the rain. After a few more moments he lifted me into his arms and returned to the inside of his flat, where we stayed the rest of the night warmed not only by the roaring fire in front of us, but mostly by the fire inside our hearts.

Mine all, mine all, mine all mine

THE END

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