Okay... Here we go...
Scene 3 (Bottom)
Selene: Moriarty! Watson! It's your turn!
Moriarty: Great! Just great! Why did I have to sign up in the first place?!
Selene: (didn't hear him) ACTION!
Moriarty: (Comes onto the set)
Watson: What have we here?
So near the cradle of the Fairy Queen?
(looks at Moriarty) Good! (points his finger at him)
Moriarty: (Quickly put on his donkey's head) (Sings)
Beth: (Wakes) What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?
Sherlock: (Watching from outside the set) Angel, ha!
Moriarty: (continues to sing)
Beth: I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again!
Mine ear is much enamoured of thy note.
Moriarty: I think, mistress, you should have little reason for that.
Beth: Thou art as wise as thou art beautiful.
Moriarty: If I had wit enough to get out of this wood,
I have enough to serve mine own purpose.
Beth: Out of this wood do not desire to go!
You shalt remain here, whether you wilt or no.
I am a spirit of no ordinary rank,
The summer always doth wait upon my state,
Director, do I really need to say this line?
Selene: Huh? (Looks at the teleprompter) Yes.
Beth: No way!
Selene: If you insist on not saying this line, I'll tell Holmes that you...
Beth: Okay! All right!
Beth: And I do....love thee. Therefore go with me.
I'll give 3 fairies to attend on thee...
Sherlock: (whispers to Selene) What were you planning to say just now?
Selene: (put a finger on her lips)
Beth: ...And they shall fetch thee jewels from the deep,
And sing while thou on pressed flowers dost sleep;
Peaseblossom, Cobweb, Moth, and Mustardseed!
Cobweb/Moth/Mustardseed: And I!
All: Where shall we go?
Sherlock: Out of the studio to get fresh air, that's where I am going.
I can't understand a single word! (walks out of the studio)
Beth: Be kind and courteous to this gentleman.
Nod to him, elves, and do him courtesies.
Selene:....Cut! Moriarty, get that proud look out of your face!
You're suppose to look amazed!
Moriarty: Did I ever tell you that this situation is one of my dreams?
Selene: ....No. And I don't care.
Moriarty: Er...okay. (smile nervously)
Beth: Come wait upon him; lead him to my bower.
Tie up my lover's tongue, bring him silently.
Selene: Cut! Good!
Beth: (Get out from the bed and rushes to get a glass of cold water to drink)
Selene: Can someone go and get Sherlock, please?
Scene 4 (Oberon is pleased)
Selene: Quiet on the set! ACTION!
Sherlock: I wonder if Titania be awaked;
Then what it was that next came in her eye,
Which she must dote on to excess.
Ah! Here comes my messenger.
How is it, mad spirit?
What actions in the night now about this haunted grove?
Watson: My mistress with a monster is in love.
Near to her secret and consecrated arbour,
While she was in her sleepy and sleeping hour,
A man came along,
When I did him at this advantage take,
An ass's head I fixed on his head.
When in that moment....
Holmes: (suddenly starts laughing) Oh my God! I can't imagine that
Moriarty having an ass head! (Continue to laugh)
Moriarty: (yelling) Sherlock Holmes, I hate you!
(reaching for his seat to throw at Sherlock)
Sherlock: (starts to look for something to throw)
Selene: Wait! If you two want to fight, fight later when the whole act is over, okay?!
Moriarty and Sherlock: (stick their tongues out at each other)
Watson: Where do we stop?...Ah! -so it came to pass-
Titania waked, and straightway loved an ass.
Sherlock: (smiles and rubs his hands)...This turns out better then I could devise!
Come, Watson, let's go and check out the situation.
Selene:...(doesn't know whether to laugh or cry or be angry)....Cut!
Scene 5 (Ending)
Beth: (Adjusting her crown) I hate this crown, it is so small....
Extras: (surrounding the bed) Yeah.
Sherlock: (hiding behind the trees) Yes.
Moriarty: (with his donkey head) (Sitting down on the bed) Yes.
Beth: (kneeling down beside Moriarty) Yeah.
Deidre: You know, Inspector, even though I am the one doing
your makeup, I say that you look like a clown with a little extra mascara.
Beth: Shut up!
A cameraman: Director, we're getting a hot spot on Mr. Holmes' forehead!
Deidre: (comes into the set and pounded on Sherlock's forehead with a powder puff.)
Sherlock: (sneezes as some of the powder gets into his nose)
Selene: Quiet on the set! 5..4..3..2..1...ACTION!
Beth: Come, sit thee down upon this flowery bed,
While I thy lovely cheeks do caress
And stick wild roses in thy sleek smooth head
And kiss thy fair large ears, my gentle joy.
Sherlock: (makes sure that Selene is not looking at him,
hides himself from the camera and pretends to puke)
Beth: What, will you hear some music, my sweet love?
Moriarty: I have a reasonable good ear in music. Let's
have the crude musical instruments.
Beth: Or say...
Sound technician: (Dropped a boom microphone so low
that it knocked Beth on the head) Oh no!
Selene: Cut! Beth, are you okay?
Beth: (rubbing her head) Yeah.
Selene: (to the crew) Be careful next time okay?! Continue!
Beth: Or say, sweet love, what thou desirest to eat.
Moriarty: I had rather have a handful or two of dried...
Eww, why does Bottom likes to eat hay? I hate hay! Tennyson....
Selene: Moriarty, Bottom likes to eat hay because he is a donkey!
And you won't have to eat any in this scene; don't worry, all right?!
Moriarty: I had rather have a handful or two of dried hay.
But, I pray you, let none of your people disturb me. I have an
inclination of sleep come upon me.
Beth: Sleep thou, and I will wrap thee in my arms.
Wiggins: (To Deidre) I think I am getting goosebumps.
Beth: Fairies, be gone, and be in all directions away.
Extras: (Walks away)
Beth: (caresses Moriarty's long ears and gave him a dreamy smile)
O, how I love thee! How I dote on thee!
Moriarty: (gives a loud yawn)
Moriarty and Beth: (sleep)
Sherlock: (come out of the trees, frowning at the sight)
Deidre: Wow, Mr. Holmes is pretty good at facial expressions.
Watson: (Comes into the set)
Sherlock: Welcome, good Robin;
Sherlock and Watson: (stifle their guffaws)
Sherlock: Her doting now I do begin to pity;
For I saw her recently behind the woods,
Seeking love tokens for this hateful fool....
Moriarty: (Opens his eyes and yells) Who are you calling "hateful fool",
you bloody bastard!
Beth: Hey! Can we get this scene over with as soon as possible?!
Beth and Moriarty: (close their eyes)
Sherlock: (ignores the whole thing)
I did rebuke her and fall out with her.
For her his hairy temples then had encircled
With coronet of fresh and fragrant flowers.
And that same dew which once on the buds
Was wont to swell round and shining pearls,
Stood now within the pretty flowerets' eyes
Like tears that did their own disgrace bewail.
When I had at my pleasure taunted her,
And she in mild terms begged my patience,
I then did ask of her to give me her kidnapped human child,
Whom she gave me immediately, and her fairy sent
To bear him to my shady enclosure in Fairyland.
And now I have the boy, I will undo
This hateful imperfection of her eyes.
And, gentle Puck, take this transformed skull
From off the head of this man;
But first I will release the Fairy Queen.
Sherlock: (walks to the bed, climbs into it, lies beside Beth and looks at her)
Be as thou wast wont to be;
See as thou wast wont to see.
Diana's bud over Cupid's flower
Hath such force and blessed power.
(sneezes the herb juice on Beth's eyelids and looks at her lovingly)
Now, my Titania, wake you, my sweet Queen.
Beth: (Opens her eyes and gasps at Sherlock)
My Oberon, what visions have I seen!
I thought I was enamoured of an ass.
Sherlock: (grins) There lies your love.
Beth: (gasps) How came these things to happen?
O, how my eyes do loathe his visage now!
Sherlock: (put his finger on her lips) Shh... Robin, take off Bottom's ass head.
Watson: (drags Moriarty away from the bed)
Sherlock: (suddenly kisses Beth on the lips deeply)
Beth: (doesn't stop Sherlock)
Tennyson: (says something to Selene)
Selene: What? The kissing part is not on the script?!
Moriarty: (opens his eyes and removes himself from Watson's grasp)
Hey, cut! Stop filming!
Cameraman: Should I cut? We're still filming!
Selene: Are you kidding? This part looks pretty good! And nobody says "Cut" except me!
Moriarty: (looks pale and walks out of the studio)
Sherlock/Beth: (break their kiss, come out of the bed and
walk toward the end of the set, holding hands)
Sherlock: (talks as they walk)
Now thou and I are friends again,
And will tomorrow midnight solemnly,
Dance in Duke Theseus' house triumphantly
And bless it to all beautiful prosperity.
Watson: (Calling out to Sherlock)
Fairy King, attend and mark:
I do hear the morning skylark.
Sherlock: Then, my Queen, in silence sad
Dance in light steps we after night's shade.
We the globe can compass soon,
Swifter then the wandering moon.
Beth: Come, my lord, and in our flight
Tell me how it happened this night
That I sleeping here was found
With this mortal on the ground.
Sherlock/Beth: (Walk out of the set, still holding hands)
Selene: Cut! Wonderful!
Sherlock/Beth: (Let go of their hands quickly)
After the act...
Sherlock: Director, can you please tell me what...
Selene: ...I wanted to say when Beth refused to say her line?
Selene: Okay... I just wanted to say that Beth's had a crush
on you since you were brought back to life.
Selene: (Nods) Really. By the way, I have another script in
my hands, Beth and Watson have agreed to this. Now I need a male leading role.
Sherlock: What is it this time?
Selene: (opens her mouth to speak)
Sherlock: Don't say "Titanic" or "Pearl Harbor".
Selene: I wasn't going to say "Titanic" or "Pearl Harbor".
Sherlock: Then what is it?
Selene: (looks at the title in the script) Pyramus and Thisbe
You are set down for Pyramus, that is, if you want to act in this.
Sherlock: What is Pyramus? A lover or a tyrant?
Selene: For your looks, you are only suitable for the "lover".
(looks around) Moriarty can act for the tyrant, if there is one in this script.
Sherlock: All right... so my role is a lover.
Selene: Not only that. He is a lover who kills himself for love.
Sherlock: Who is Lestrade playing?
Selene: Thisbe, the lady that Pyramus must love.
Selene: Please? Pyramus is a sweet-faced man;
as handsome a man as one shall see in a summer's day;
a most lovely, gentleman-like man.
Sherlock: (thinking of his kiss with Lestrade and Selene's words)
Well, I will take it.
What do you think? Should I write "Pyramus and Thisbe"?