ANNOUNCER: Welcome to The Dating Game! And now here's your host, Mary
MARY: Thank you, Bob. On today's show we have Inspector Beth Lestrade.
She is going to have to pick one of three eligible bachelors. Inspector,
why don't you tell us a little about yourself.
MARY: I put you here. You're on The Dating Game!
MARY: Of course it does. Now as I asked before, 'Why don't you tell us
a little about yourself?'
LESTRADE: No way. I'm outta here.
(anvil falls on her head) Ow!
MARY: Sorry, but I'm in control and I say you stay. Now, as you were
LESTRADE: (giving murderous glances to host) Fine. I am an inspector
at New Scotland Yard. There, happy now?
MARY: No....but it'll do for now. Okay, let's play The Dating Game!
All right, Beth...there are three bachelors and you have to ask each one
a question from the cards in front of you. You can ask them each a
different question, or use the same one. Ready?
MARY: Hmmm...Let me think.... NO!
LESTRADE: (looking at first card) Okay. Bachelor #1, what would you do
on our first date?
BACH #1: (eagerly) I would take you to the finest restaurant in town,
o beautiful lady, and ply you with wine and music. Please say you'll
pick me, please, please, please, please, please...Mmph!
MARY: Okay, that's enough Br.... Er, Bachelor #1.
(mumbles to herself) Pathetic.
(out loud) Go ahead, Beth.
LESTRADE: (with an odd look on her face) Riiiight. Bachelor #2, same
BACH #2: I would take you on a romantic cruise in the holodeck, or
maybe a picnic, or....
(mutters) I'm not very good at this.
LESTRADE: That..er..sounds nice. Bachelor #3, what about you?
BACH #3: (in a cultured British accent) Hmm... It's hard to say. After
all, you did say it was a first date? I would take you to a small, nice
restaurant, where we could get to know each other better.
Sorry, i couldn't think of any more questions. Suggestions are welcome.
Posted by Liz de Jong on 5/28/2001, 4:25 pm, in reply to
"The Dating Game!"
~after the commercial break~
HOST (MARY): Well, then, Beth, how are you liking the choices so far?
LESTRADE: Choices? look, I still don't really get...
MARY: (interrupts) Good! Nice to hear. Anyhow, moving on....
LESTRADE: HEY! Hold on a minute.
MARY: Nope, sorry, we're pressed for time. Just read the second card.
LESTRADE: (lets out an exasperated noise, as only lestrade can do)
FINE. Bachelor #1, if you could be any animal...
(reading more of herself now, in disbelief) What would you be....?
What in the heck does this have to do with anything?
BACH #1: well... that depends. Do you prefer cute and fuzzy rabbits?
or... no, wait.. I'll bet you're a cat person. You look like a cat
MARY: Uh... huh. Moving on, then....
BACH #2: Oh, I have no idea. Perhaps... ah... an iguana?
MARY: You ARE starting to scare me. But moving right along....
BACH #3: (thinks long and hard about this answer) Well, I suppose,
once one thinks about it, something along the lines of a dolphin or
something of the sort, I suppose. I would miss my thinking ability
too much, and they, apparently, are smart, so....
LESTRADE: (getting suspicious) This is all very.. odd.
(shoots another glare at Mary)
MARY: (smiles rather largely and innocently, waving to the camera)
No, not at all.
Another commercial break, then!
Posted by Mary on 5/28/2001, 8:10 pm, in reply to
"Re: The Dating Game! I hope you don't mind me adding..."
MARY: All right, then we're back! Next question, Inspector Beth.
LESTRADE: (muttering) Inspector Beth?
(out loud) Bachelor #1, what song would you sing to get me to go
out with you?
(muttering again) As if any song would get me to go out with
MARY: Now, now, Inspector, be nice. Go on, Bachelor #1.
BACH #1: I would sing any song your heart desires.
MARY: (sighs and shakes her head) He'll never learn.
LESTRADE: Okay, Bachelor #2, same question.
BACH #2: I would sing...no, wait...yeah, that.. but then....
BACH #3: I fail to see the point in this question.
(sees Mary looking at him angrily) However, if it is necessary, I
would not sing but play a musical instrument.
LESTRADE: Okay, next question. Huh? This question doesn't make any sense.
MARY: Just read the question, Inspector Beth.
LESTRADE: What do you dream about?
BACH #1: You!!!!!! I dream about you.
LESTRADE: You don't even know me.
BACH #1: (falling over and groaning)
LESTRADE: Same question, number 2.
BACH #2: I dream about cats coming and tearing me limb from limb, and
then Voyager blows up.
MARY: You need serious therapy. Go on, Bachelor #3.
BACH #3: My dreams are personal. You can drop any number of anvils on
my head, blow me up, or whatever, but I will not reveal my personal life.
MARY: Darn! Okay, Inspector Beth, time to choose. Who's going to be
the lucky guy?
LESTRADE: (sarcastically) Gee, it's sooo hard.
(takes a deep breath) Okay, I guess it'll be Bachelor #3.
BACH #3: (steps from behind the curtain)
MARY: Okay, now, let's meet the losers! Come on out, you guys.
BACH #1 and #2: (come from behind the curtain)
LESTRADE: I have never seen these two before in my life.
MARY: That's because Bachelor #1 is Brock from Pokemon. And #2 is
Harry Kim from Star Trek: Voyager.
BROCK: (sadly) Oh, my one true love, gone.
MARY: One true love? What about Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy?
BROCK: (drooling) Officer Jenny. Nurse Joy.
MARY: Me and my big mouth. Okay, everybody, that's the end of
tonight's show, but tune in tomorrow night when we have...dunh,
dunh, dunh..Professor Moriarty!
(waves as camera starts panning out.)
LESTRADE: Wait a minute!
(camera stops and everybody looks at her) What about me and Holmes?
MARY: Duh! It's called The Dating Game! You go out on a 'date'. That's
all the time we have, folks. Goodnight!