RUSTY (wearing mask): Aw...please, Dr. Slate? Robin gets to hang
out at the Batcave.
SLATE: Batman and Robin are cartoon characters, Rusty. You're real!
[after XL-103 is put into the 'Grinder', a Quark crushing device
for recycling junk]
RUSTY (to a saddened Dr. Slate): XL-103 must have been very bad...
right?
DONOVAN: No, he was just a little out of whack.
JENNY: So we whacked him!
ARG-12: You are granted a final opportunity to provide the location
of the robot known as "The Big Guy".
GENERAL THORTON: You want 'im, you got 'im. [pushes the Big Guy
signal]
RUSTY: Dr. Slate, you wouldn't ever throw me in the grinder, would
you?
SLATE: Never.
RUSTY: Not even if I got out of whack?
SLATE: You're not like other robots, Rusty. It would take at least a megaton
of punishment to damage you.
[She taps his nose with her finger, and he laughs.]
RUSTY (to Gen'l Thorton and the soldiers): Bet he'll do one of his classic moves,
like the 'Servo Scrambler'.
[Big Guy flies ARG-12 high aloft and then drops him.]
BIG GUY: Bon voyage.
RUSTY: The 'Titanic'! Good one.
DWAYNE: Ex Machina. 'From the machine.'
GARTH: Greek to me.
JO: They make a mean bot, whoever they are.
MACK: We're talking serious competition, Lieutenant.
DWAYNE: So why'd that guy get the get-up-and-go's once he had Big
Guy where he wanted 'im?
JO: Only kills what he eats?
NUMBER FOUR: The Big Guy is the only thing standing between us and
our objectives.
NUMBER SIX: Then he won't be standing much longer.
SLATE: I won't let Dr. Donovan anywhere near you.
RUSTY: Promise?
SLATE (making the gesture): Cross my heart.
DONOVAN: Dr. Slate, that wasn't just the power pack you lost. It was the whole
nucleo-proton pump!
JENNY (wagging finger): Pricy. Might have to dock your pay.
DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate on communicator-thing): Care to explain that little security
breach, ma'am?
SLATE: Listen, Lieutenant. Rusty's in danger.
BIG GUY: Listen, kid, it's for your own good. Now get inside!
RUSTY: You and Dr. Slate are in cahoots! I thought you were my friend!
RUSTY: Okay, Big Guy. I shoulda known I could never outrun you. Just promise
when they throw me in the grinder, they'll do it quick!
DWAYNE: [throws up eyes and sighs]
BIG GUY: Kid, noone's trying to grind you. We're trying to save you!
RUSTY: Honest?
BIG GUY: I swear on the red, white and blue.
BIG GUY: Hold on, kid. We'll get you to a doctor.
RUSTY: Come on! Nucleo-protons. You want 'em. You need 'em!
RUSTY'S SYSTEM (in voice of Dr. Slate): Power pack disengaged.
Sensory functions now operating via emergency battery.
BIG GUY (quietly): You did good, son. You did good.
103. "The Inside Scoop"
by Roger S.H. Schulman
I smell something yummy. In your brain.
NEUGOG
[while watching Jo and Garth play Robot Wars: the Home Game]
MACK: It's catchin' on, Lieutenant. Everyone's got little robot pals these days.
DWAYNE: Some of us don't have a choice, Mack. Orders say I fly missions with Rusty.
JO: Aw, it's not so bad, Dwayne.
GARTH: Yeah, the boy robot really seems to like you!
DWAYNE: Correction -- he likes Big Guy. He doesn't know about me.
SLATE: I thought we had an agreement. No websurfing without permission --
and never past your power-down time.
RUSTY: I wasn't surfing, I was...browsing.
RUSTY: Well, I just wanted to see if Big Guy had a website.
SLATE: Rusty, robots don't usually have websites.
You heard me! 100 rounds, go!
SLATE
Rusty, you just hacked your way into a classified military database.
SLATE
[from BGY file footage DR22ZZx656T1888]
BASEBALL-CAPPED FIGURE: How many fingers do ya see?
BIG GUY: Thursday.
Big Guy, we hardly know you.
SLATE
It's against company policy to go zombie the day before a trade show.
JENNY
Mm. A buffet of brains.
NEUGOG
I've discovered that the BGY-11 is not a robot -- as the world has been led to
believe -- but an exo-suit, operated from within by a human pilot. I'm concerned
about how this information might affect Rusty if he knew. The truth could crash
his Human Emotion Grid. This raises a dilemma -- do I tell Rusty?
SLATE (dictating a recording)
Whoa! You guys have a love connection!
RUSTY
NEUGOG: I don't smell anything.
RUSTY: That's 'cause I don't smell!
You can chew on a little move the Big Guy calls the 'Wazoo Whopper'!
RUSTY
His name's Neugog. And he's weird and creepy and he tried to drain my brain only
he couldn't 'cause I'm a robot just like Big Guy!
RUSTY
SLATE: Big Guy? You be careful in there.
[DWAYNE looks nonplussed]
Sounds like you could use a lozenge. One for each mouth.
BIG GUY
Wait! I smell something squishy! Oho, you are hiding sweetbreads in there.
You dickens!
NEUGOG
Tank tread repair -- military salutations -- the 'Wazoo Whopper'?
Your aptitude does not whet my appetite.
NEUGOG
Down, boy!
NEUGOG
Brain.
BIG GUY
Mm. Brimming with theorems. Peppered with formulas. A delectable morsel!
NEUGOG (on Dr. Slate)
RUSTY: Don't be embarrassed me and Big Guy had to save you, Dr. Slate.
You're a girl. We're robots.
SLATE: Right, Rusty. Robots.
Please, call me Dwayne.
DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate)
DWAYNE: So whoever wears it will be safe from Neugog's brain drain.
SLATE: Or his mind control. The Big Guy can't afford to be vulnerable
to Neugog again.
DWAYNE: I'm...not sure I follow.
SLATE: I think you do.
[Dwayne blinks]
SLATE: There's one key component of Big Guy that wasn't machine-made.
The one on the inside. The "Human Factor"? You.
DWAYNE: [laughs nervously] Um, Erica....
SLATE: Call me Dr. Slate.
DWAYNE: Maybe you aren't clear on the concept. The Big Guy's a robot.
SLATE: I read the plans. Now, we can continue playing games, or we
could put our heads together and stop Neugog.
"Blah, blah." "Blah blah-blah blah." "Blah-blah." I can't understand a
word they're saying. They must be speaking the language of love. I hope
they don't kiss. Ew!
RUSTY (watching but unable to hear the preceding conversation....)
SLATE: None of them know?
DWAYNE: Not a one. They think I'm Big Guy's chief mechanic. General
Thorton, my Pit Crew, the BGY Commission members...that's everybody in
the loop. And you.
SLATE: Not even Dr. Donovan?
DWAYNE: Not even Rusty. Thorton's orders.
SLATE: It's not an issue.
DWAYNE (shocked): It isn't?
SLATE: The Big Guy is Rusty's hero. I've decided...I want to keep it
that way.
Tin Man is useless against it. Need a scarecrow. No brain.
MACK
JO: Dame on deck!
DWAYNE: Cool jets, gang. She knows.
GARTH: You told her!?
JO: I bet she wormed it out of him.
MACK: Good night, nurse.
DWAYNE: Stow it. Erika...er, Dr. Slate has a plan. Give her your
kind attention.
DONOVAN: They're hailing my genius, Jenny.
JENNY: Yes, it was brilliant of you to present Ellerbee's lifework
as your own.
DONOVAN: He's too busy droolin' on his shirt to mind.
NEUGOG: What do you say to that?
DONOVAN: You're looking good?
NEUGOG: So is your greasy brain, right about now. Food for thought.
You're not really interested in his empty skull, are you? He just sponges
off the brilliance of others; everybody knows that.
JENNY (on Dr. Donovan)
It better work...Slate.
DWAYNE
It's the Love Boat. They're on their honeymoon!
RUSTY (looking at the S.S. Dark Horse)
RUSTY: Big Guy! Wanna hear a secret?
BIG GUY: Pull the trigger, Boy Ranger.
RUSTY (chants): Slate and Dwayne, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
DWAYNE (inside): What?!
Thought I'd find you here. I'm psychic.
NEUGOG
And where there's a brain, there's pain.
NEUGOG
The kid'll come through.
DWAYNE
Pop goes the weasel!
NEUGOG
Let me introduce you to the BGY Incendiary Trigger Device. Sure you
see it coming. You're psychic. But there's not a darned thing you can do
about it.
BIG GUY
Brained him.
RUSTY
SLATE: Lieutenant Hunter, I have to admit I've been wondering why you
didn't eject.
DWAYNE: You're a scientist, Dr. Slate; you figure it out.
SLATE (studying him): Call me Erika.
[Dwayne smiles]
DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate): Call me any time. I mean, in the event of a
planet-threatening crisis.
RUSTY (watching unobserved) Jewellery! Whoa. They're goin' steady!
104. "Birthday Bash"
by Alexx Van Dyne
DONOVAN: Jenny...I'm getting sand in my expensive Italian loafers....
JENNY: Should've worn flip-flops, Dr. D.
Rocks. I'm all a-tingle.
DONOVAN
DONOVAN: A patent on this could rake in billions.
JENNY: Greaaaat. What's it do, Carnac?
DONOVAN: Something.
Who gave you clearance?
JO
Just chit-chatting with my partner. You know, robot stuff.
RUSTY
DONOVAN: Is it safe?
JENNY: It's safe for us.
JENNY: Now, I'm no captain of industry, Dr. D, but I don't think
we'll be selling many of those.
DONOVAN: Shut up, Jenny!
Ooh. And the pretty monkey said it's for sale.
RUSTY
I told all my friends you work for Big Guy!
JEFFY (to Dwayne)
DWAYNE: Hey, why don't we show Rusty how you can beat your uncle
at Air Commando?
JEFFY: You wanna play Air Commando, Wusty?
I bet you don't need a mechanic.
JEFFY (to Rusty)
[knocking at the door of room 14410, Bio-Synthesis]
SLATE: Hey, you two! You were supposed to help me with the X-flow
schematics an hour ago.
DOOLEY (from inside): Go away!
FITCH (ditto): We're not decent!
DONOVAN (to primary-colored robots): Boys! Show these bums the exit.
ROBOTS: Exit, exit, exit.... [Robots turn and go out the door]
JENNY: You have such a way with words, sir.
DONOVAN: Maybe we can interest you in a conglomerator. Or a
20-speed torque flanger -- we got plenty of those.
EMEK: Does either item possess the capacity to smash atoms, to mutate
matter, defy the laws of physics, and make entire worlds collide?
JENNY and DONOVAN (glancing at each other): Yes?
DARLENE: So Dwayne -- any prospects for settling down, getting married,
maybe having a kid of your own?
[The kids ignore all this. Rusty drinks a glass of milk and eats a cookie.]
JEFFY: You like fudge nutties, too?
RUSTY: Not sure. No taste receptors.
DWAYNE (to Darlene): With Rusty hangin' around, I have all the kid I can handle!
[Dwayne's BGY pager thing goes off. Darlene looks dismayed.]
DWAYNE: Besides, it's hard when you're married to your work.
RUSTY: The Big Guy signal! Duty calls.
JEFFY: Can I go? Can I?
RUSTY: Sure! You can meet Big Guy!
DWAYNE (to Jeffy): Whoa, sport! You're not cleared for active duty yet.
Buddies have to stick together.
RUSTY
That's no way to treat a lady.
BIG GUY
Welcome to Earth. I'll be your tour guide.
BIG GUY
JEFFY: Wow! This is the best pwesent in the whole universe! What's it do?
RUSTY: Besides float? Let's find out!
I'm putting you two on hold, so I can take a more important call.
BIG GUY
No fair! You peeked!
RUSTY
EMEK: For your meddling, feel the power of the Agglomerator as your planet
collides with its moon!
BIG GUY: Not on my watch.
BIG GUY: And as for you, young man, I hope you learned a lesson about taking
things that don't belong to you. Particularly things which defy the known laws
of physics.
RUSTY: Yes, sir. I sure as shootin' have.
JEFFY: You're still my hero, Wusty. You and Big Guy! Can they stay
for cake, Mom?
DARLENE (bemused): Sure.
BIG GUY: Thanks for the offer, son, but frosting gums up my servos.
JEFFY: Aw, my Uncle Dwayne can fix you up. He's the best mechanic in
the whole universe.
BIG GUY: Well, maybe one slice.
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