Quotable Quotes (eps 101-104)

101. "Creatures, Great and Small"

by Duane Capizzi

BIG GUY: Weapon locked. Precision counts; a wasted shot costs taxpayers dearly.

BIG GUY: No not-of-this-earth surgical-probe-wielding invader's gonna deprive this planet's children and their growing bones of even one glass of wholesome milk!

TV REPORTER: Big Guy, say cheese.
BIG GUY: I'm all teeth.

Once again, our livestock is safe from rustling aliens. And we owe our thanks to the Big Guy. This miracle of science, this state-of-the-art robot, has been serving mankind for nearly a decade. It is therefore ironic that Quark Industries, the very corporation responsible for Big Guy's creation, has appointed a new CEO who promises cutting-edge technology that will render the Big Guy obsolete. We'll believe that when we see it.

Calamari. Yum.

GARTH: Fancy shooting, sheriff.
DWAYNE: Lieutenant Sheriff to you.

DWAYNE: Jo, check the power core. Got a hunch it tweaked on me during that ejection maneuver.
JO: Right! [checks and is amazed] Calibration offset. I'll adjust.
GARTH: Hunch, huh?
DWAYNE: Male bonding. Might say I end where he begins.

GENERAL THORTON: [awarding medal to Dwayne]
Here in this room, we know the true hero to be the soldier within.
Lieutenant Dwayne Hunter, for your unflinching dedication, the BGY-11 Commission awards you the Medal of Honor.
[Not the Medal of Honor of our universe; this one is a lightning flash across a disc, similar to the Big Guy logo.]

JO: The Big Guy lives forever in the history books -- without you. So why the big coverup?
DWAYNE: Army promised the world a robot. Would've looked like fools if the best they could come up with was a fancy tank with a soldier inside.

Generals, majors, fellow men of science, welcome to Quark Industries. As promised, I am pleased to present tomorrow's hero...today.

With all due respect, sir, they call that toy my replacement?
DWAYNE, on Rusty

RUSTY: Did I do good, Dr. Slate?
SLATE: You did great , Rusty.
RUSTY: I kept my big trap shut, just like Dr. Donovan told me to.
SLATE: Shyeah. Donovan's a card.

"Rule #1: Not indoors."
RUSTY, quoting Dr. Slate on proper use of his weaponry

What? A girl can't speak her mind?

Ready and raring to go, sir! I may be small, but I'm a pretty darn good robot.

I'll summon every watt of my nucleo-protonic power and...punch a hole right through that...um...ugly noggin of his!

Doesn't hurt. No pain receptors.

Dr. Slate, next time you consider downloading the Little Engine That Could into a weapon of mass destruction...don't.

I'm in trouble, aren't I.

RUSTY: Pretty monkey.
JENNY (sarcastically and with enunciation): Oo oo, ah ah.

Quark Industries has promised the world a solution. Let's hope this...
[footage of Rusty getting smacked]
wasn't it.

Glad you did. The trout weren't biting.
DWAYNE, when informed that he and Big Guy were being called to duty

RUSTY: How did you find me?
SLATE: Your tracer.
RUSTY: If I don't have pain receptors, why does it hurt so much?
SLATE: Your Human Emotion Grid.

RUSTY (to Dwayne): Hey! You were at my presentation ceremony.
You didn't stay for cake and soda.
DWAYNE (peering down): What were they thinking?
SLATE (angry): Size doesn't matter? Erika Slate, Rusty's engineer.
DWAYNE: Dwayne Hunter, Big Guy's...uh...head mechanic. I don't mean any offense, but, uh, I don't understand sending a child to do a man's work.
RUSTY: Big Guy's not a man, he's a robot! And I'm gonna grow up to be just like him!

RUSTY: Big Guy's dead!
SLATE: No, Rusty. Those people are gonna put him together again.
MACK: Yeah, kid. Just like Humpty Dumpty!

RUSTY: Can I come, mister Army man? I can help Big Guy! I can be his sidekick.
DWAYNE: The Big Guy works alone.

Clear the decks. I've got a behemoth to clobber!

We're monster kibble.

Subject sighted. Definitely not an American.

For God and country. For every baby who's ever gonna cut a tooth, and every kid who's gonna study hard and get a good job. For every last living creature on planet Earth -- I'm goin' in.

Time to dish out...the candy!

Destination -- chops!

Sometimes a soldier has to say a farewell to arms!
BIG GUY (unscrewing arm)

RUSTY: Big Guy! It's me, your biggest fa...I mean, I'm here to help.
BIG GUY (under breath, so to speak): For the love of Mike.

The Clop Chopper. One of your classics.
RUSTY, to Big Guy

Kid's his own worst enemy.

Relax. I'm a professional.
BIG GUY, to Rusty, while screwing the kid into his arm socket

Sure as shootin', this is gonna work!

Thank Henry Ford for standardized parts.

Hey, wanna grab a proton...shake? Or somethin'?

THORTON: Lieutenant, I admit mistakes were made. Big ones. So, on behalf of the BGY-11 Committee, I take great pride in recommissioning you.
DWAYNE: General, I'm honored.
THORTON: However, it's with mixed feelings that I must inform you that you will no longer be working alone.
DWAYNE: The kid.
THORTON: I have no doubt in my military mind he will become a better soldier under your expert guidance.

BIG GUY: Can't relish the victory without my new partner.
RUSTY: Partner? I don't believe it!
BIG GUY: Neither do I.

102. "Out of Whack"

by Greg Weisman

RUSTY (wearing mask): Aw...please, Dr. Slate? Robin gets to hang out at the Batcave.
SLATE: Batman and Robin are cartoon characters, Rusty. You're real!

DONOVAN: Guess you didn't hear the monkey.
JENNY: Nah-nah.

[after XL-103 is put into the 'Grinder', a Quark crushing device for recycling junk]
RUSTY (to a saddened Dr. Slate): XL-103 must have been very bad... right?
DONOVAN: No, he was just a little out of whack.
JENNY: So we whacked him!

ARG-12: You are granted a final opportunity to provide the location of the robot known as "The Big Guy".
GENERAL THORTON: You want 'im, you got 'im. [pushes the Big Guy signal]

My regards to Tiny Tim.
MACK, saluting Big Guy as he prepares to leave

RUSTY: Dr. Slate, you wouldn't ever throw me in the grinder, would you?
SLATE: Never.
RUSTY: Not even if I got out of whack?
SLATE: You're not like other robots, Rusty. It would take at least a megaton of punishment to damage you.
[She taps his nose with her finger, and he laughs.]

SLATE: Rusty! Be careful.
RUSTY: Don't need to. "Megaton of punishment".

RUSTY: One sidekick reporting for duty, Big Guy!
DWAYNE: Lucky me.

BIG GUY: Name your make and manufacturer.
ARG-12: BGY-11, you are granted one opportunity to join the Legion Ex Machina in the campaign against humankind.
BIG GUY: No deals, hotshot. I pledge allegiance to only one flag.
ARG-12: Your noncompliance is acknowledged. Prepare for termination.

RUSTY: Let me know when you need help, okay?

RUSTY (to Gen'l Thorton and the soldiers): Bet he'll do one of his classic moves, like the 'Servo Scrambler'.
[Big Guy flies ARG-12 high aloft and then drops him.]
BIG GUY: Bon voyage.
RUSTY: The 'Titanic'! Good one.

RUSTY (after being hit): Musta been a megaton and a half.

DWAYNE: Ex Machina. 'From the machine.'
GARTH: Greek to me.
JO: They make a mean bot, whoever they are.
MACK: We're talking serious competition, Lieutenant.
DWAYNE: So why'd that guy get the get-up-and-go's once he had Big Guy where he wanted 'im?
JO: Only kills what he eats?

NUMBER FOUR: The Big Guy is the only thing standing between us and our objectives.
NUMBER SIX: Then he won't be standing much longer.

SLATE: I won't let Dr. Donovan anywhere near you.
RUSTY: Promise?
SLATE (making the gesture): Cross my heart.

DONOVAN: Dr. Slate, that wasn't just the power pack you lost. It was the whole nucleo-proton pump!
JENNY (wagging finger): Pricy. Might have to dock your pay.

JENNY: Baby needs his bottle.

MACK: Go fish.

DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate on communicator-thing): Care to explain that little security breach, ma'am?
SLATE: Listen, Lieutenant. Rusty's in danger.

BIG GUY: Listen, kid, it's for your own good. Now get inside!
RUSTY: You and Dr. Slate are in cahoots! I thought you were my friend!

RUSTY: Okay, Big Guy. I shoulda known I could never outrun you. Just promise when they throw me in the grinder, they'll do it quick!
DWAYNE: [throws up eyes and sighs]
BIG GUY: Kid, noone's trying to grind you. We're trying to save you!
RUSTY: Honest?
BIG GUY: I swear on the red, white and blue.

BIG GUY: Backup systems, check.
ARG-12: Likewise.
BIG GUY (beckoning palm-up): Then let's rumba.

BIG GUY: Hold on, kid. We'll get you to a doctor.

RUSTY: Come on! Nucleo-protons. You want 'em. You need 'em!

RUSTY'S SYSTEM (in voice of Dr. Slate): Power pack disengaged. Sensory functions now operating via emergency battery.

RUSTY: Whacked him.

BIG GUY (quietly): You did good, son. You did good.

103. "The Inside Scoop"

by Roger S.H. Schulman

I smell something yummy. In your brain.

[while watching Jo and Garth play Robot Wars: the Home Game]
MACK: It's catchin' on, Lieutenant. Everyone's got little robot pals these days.
DWAYNE: Some of us don't have a choice, Mack. Orders say I fly missions with Rusty.
JO: Aw, it's not so bad, Dwayne.
GARTH: Yeah, the boy robot really seems to like you!
DWAYNE: Correction -- he likes Big Guy. He doesn't know about me.

SLATE: I thought we had an agreement. No websurfing without permission -- and never past your power-down time.
RUSTY: I wasn't surfing, I was...browsing.

RUSTY: Well, I just wanted to see if Big Guy had a website.
SLATE: Rusty, robots don't usually have websites.

You heard me! 100 rounds, go!

Rusty, you just hacked your way into a classified military database.

[from BGY file footage DR22ZZx656T1888]
BASEBALL-CAPPED FIGURE: How many fingers do ya see?
BIG GUY: Thursday.

Big Guy, we hardly know you.

It's against company policy to go zombie the day before a trade show.

Mm. A buffet of brains.

I've discovered that the BGY-11 is not a robot -- as the world has been led to believe -- but an exo-suit, operated from within by a human pilot. I'm concerned about how this information might affect Rusty if he knew. The truth could crash his Human Emotion Grid. This raises a dilemma -- do I tell Rusty?
SLATE (dictating a recording)

Whoa! You guys have a love connection!

NEUGOG: I don't smell anything.
RUSTY: That's 'cause I don't smell!

You can chew on a little move the Big Guy calls the 'Wazoo Whopper'!

His name's Neugog. And he's weird and creepy and he tried to drain my brain only he couldn't 'cause I'm a robot just like Big Guy!

SLATE: Big Guy? You be careful in there.
[DWAYNE looks nonplussed]

Sounds like you could use a lozenge. One for each mouth.

Wait! I smell something squishy! Oho, you are hiding sweetbreads in there. You dickens!

Tank tread repair -- military salutations -- the 'Wazoo Whopper'? Your aptitude does not whet my appetite.

Down, boy!


Mm. Brimming with theorems. Peppered with formulas. A delectable morsel!
NEUGOG (on Dr. Slate)

RUSTY: Don't be embarrassed me and Big Guy had to save you, Dr. Slate. You're a girl. We're robots.
SLATE: Right, Rusty. Robots.

Please, call me Dwayne.
DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate)

DWAYNE: So whoever wears it will be safe from Neugog's brain drain.
SLATE: Or his mind control. The Big Guy can't afford to be vulnerable to Neugog again.
DWAYNE: I'm...not sure I follow.
SLATE: I think you do.
[Dwayne blinks]
SLATE: There's one key component of Big Guy that wasn't machine-made. The one on the inside. The "Human Factor"? You.
DWAYNE: [laughs nervously] Um, Erica....
SLATE: Call me Dr. Slate.
DWAYNE: Maybe you aren't clear on the concept. The Big Guy's a robot.
SLATE: I read the plans. Now, we can continue playing games, or we could put our heads together and stop Neugog.

"Blah, blah." "Blah blah-blah blah." "Blah-blah." I can't understand a word they're saying. They must be speaking the language of love. I hope they don't kiss. Ew!
RUSTY (watching but unable to hear the preceding conversation....)

SLATE: None of them know?
DWAYNE: Not a one. They think I'm Big Guy's chief mechanic. General Thorton, my Pit Crew, the BGY Commission members...that's everybody in the loop. And you.
SLATE: Not even Dr. Donovan?
DWAYNE: Not even Rusty. Thorton's orders.
SLATE: It's not an issue.
DWAYNE (shocked): It isn't?
SLATE: The Big Guy is Rusty's hero. I've decided...I want to keep it that way.

Tin Man is useless against it. Need a scarecrow. No brain.

JO: Dame on deck!
DWAYNE: Cool jets, gang. She knows.
GARTH: You told her!?
JO: I bet she wormed it out of him.
MACK: Good night, nurse.
DWAYNE: Stow it. Erika...er, Dr. Slate has a plan. Give her your kind attention.

DONOVAN: They're hailing my genius, Jenny.
JENNY: Yes, it was brilliant of you to present Ellerbee's lifework as your own.
DONOVAN: He's too busy droolin' on his shirt to mind.

NEUGOG: What do you say to that?
DONOVAN: You're looking good?
NEUGOG: So is your greasy brain, right about now. Food for thought.

You're not really interested in his empty skull, are you? He just sponges off the brilliance of others; everybody knows that.
JENNY (on Dr. Donovan)

It better work...Slate.

It's the Love Boat. They're on their honeymoon!
RUSTY (looking at the S.S. Dark Horse)

RUSTY: Big Guy! Wanna hear a secret?
BIG GUY: Pull the trigger, Boy Ranger.
RUSTY (chants): Slate and Dwayne, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
DWAYNE (inside): What?!

Thought I'd find you here. I'm psychic.

And where there's a brain, there's pain.

The kid'll come through.

Pop goes the weasel!

Let me introduce you to the BGY Incendiary Trigger Device. Sure you see it coming. You're psychic. But there's not a darned thing you can do about it.

Brained him.

SLATE: Lieutenant Hunter, I have to admit I've been wondering why you didn't eject.
DWAYNE: You're a scientist, Dr. Slate; you figure it out.
SLATE (studying him): Call me Erika.
[Dwayne smiles]

DWAYNE (to Dr. Slate): Call me any time. I mean, in the event of a planet-threatening crisis.
RUSTY (watching unobserved) Jewellery! Whoa. They're goin' steady!

104. "Birthday Bash"

by Alexx Van Dyne

DONOVAN: Jenny...I'm getting sand in my expensive Italian loafers....
JENNY: Should've worn flip-flops, Dr. D.

Rocks. I'm all a-tingle.

DONOVAN: A patent on this could rake in billions.
JENNY: Greaaaat. What's it do, Carnac?
DONOVAN: Something.

Who gave you clearance?

Just chit-chatting with my partner. You know, robot stuff.

DONOVAN: Is it safe?
JENNY: It's safe for us.

JENNY: Now, I'm no captain of industry, Dr. D, but I don't think we'll be selling many of those.
DONOVAN: Shut up, Jenny!

Ooh. And the pretty monkey said it's for sale.

I told all my friends you work for Big Guy!
JEFFY (to Dwayne)

DWAYNE: Hey, why don't we show Rusty how you can beat your uncle at Air Commando?
JEFFY: You wanna play Air Commando, Wusty?

I bet you don't need a mechanic.
JEFFY (to Rusty)

[knocking at the door of room 14410, Bio-Synthesis]
SLATE: Hey, you two! You were supposed to help me with the X-flow schematics an hour ago.
DOOLEY (from inside): Go away!
FITCH (ditto): We're not decent!

DONOVAN (to primary-colored robots): Boys! Show these bums the exit.
ROBOTS: Exit, exit, exit.... [Robots turn and go out the door]
JENNY: You have such a way with words, sir.

DONOVAN: Maybe we can interest you in a conglomerator. Or a 20-speed torque flanger -- we got plenty of those.
EMEK: Does either item possess the capacity to smash atoms, to mutate matter, defy the laws of physics, and make entire worlds collide?
JENNY and DONOVAN (glancing at each other): Yes?

DARLENE: So Dwayne -- any prospects for settling down, getting married, maybe having a kid of your own?
[The kids ignore all this. Rusty drinks a glass of milk and eats a cookie.]
JEFFY: You like fudge nutties, too?
RUSTY: Not sure. No taste receptors.
DWAYNE (to Darlene): With Rusty hangin' around, I have all the kid I can handle!
[Dwayne's BGY pager thing goes off. Darlene looks dismayed.]
DWAYNE: Besides, it's hard when you're married to your work.

RUSTY: The Big Guy signal! Duty calls.
JEFFY: Can I go? Can I?
RUSTY: Sure! You can meet Big Guy!
DWAYNE (to Jeffy): Whoa, sport! You're not cleared for active duty yet.

Buddies have to stick together.

That's no way to treat a lady.

Welcome to Earth. I'll be your tour guide.

JEFFY: Wow! This is the best pwesent in the whole universe! What's it do?
RUSTY: Besides float? Let's find out!

I'm putting you two on hold, so I can take a more important call.

No fair! You peeked!

EMEK: For your meddling, feel the power of the Agglomerator as your planet collides with its moon!
BIG GUY: Not on my watch.

BIG GUY: And as for you, young man, I hope you learned a lesson about taking things that don't belong to you. Particularly things which defy the known laws of physics.
RUSTY: Yes, sir. I sure as shootin' have.

JEFFY: You're still my hero, Wusty. You and Big Guy! Can they stay for cake, Mom?
DARLENE (bemused): Sure.
BIG GUY: Thanks for the offer, son, but frosting gums up my servos.
JEFFY: Aw, my Uncle Dwayne can fix you up. He's the best mechanic in the whole universe.
BIG GUY: Well, maybe one slice.

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