PRIEST: If anyone should wish to offer reason why this bride and
groom should not be joined in holy matrimony, let them speak now or
forever hold their peace.
BIG GUY (breaking through wall of country club):
Anyone for pie? Piping hot!
[looks around]
Best wishes, citizens.
GILDER: Oh, I can make you do anything. You're my puppet.
[Donovan runs off]
Works every time.
RUSTY: Must...control...hand!
RUSTY: Well, it's kinda complicated.
BIG GUY: It's all right, son. Just put the blaster down.
RUSTY: Wish I...unh...could! But I can't!
NUMBER SIX: My colleagues in the Legion say I'm unbalanced, but
I'm not the problem. It's this human emotion grid!
SLATE: Erika Slate, lock code 911!
NUMBER SIX: I hate my life!
106. "Really Big Guy"
by Cade Chilcoat
BIG GUY: If only we could peer inside his twisted mind.
SLATE: We can.
NUMBER SIX: Dr. Slate. Don't you know tampering with lethal
technology can be hazardous to your health?
RUSTY: Oh, yeah? What you gonna do, Mr. Jabberjaw - spit on us?
NUMBER SIX: See you in the scrapyard, Rusty.
BIG GUY: Robots making robots.
DWAYNE: Jo. See if you can get any kind of match on Tango Niner.
Keyword: sub-tunnels.
BIG GUY: I doubt they're building a parade float.
BIG GUY: One of hundreds of abandoned electrical utility tunnels.
They've been in disuse since the introduction of microfusion technology.
RUSTY: The 'Missoula Meltdown'. Works every time!
RUSTY: Sheesh. Bet other sidekicks get a pat on the powerpack.
GARTH: We're gonna need a bigger Big Guy.
RUSTY: Looks like Argo.
BIG GUY: Looks like Argo had a growth spurt.
BIG GUY: The Big Bopper's city-bound.
GARTH: How do we deal with something like that?
MACK: Fly the other way till we run out of gas!
BIG GUY: Gotta feed Jumbo something more than peanuts.
GARTH: This is one bad dream....
MACK: Next time you're dreamin' about a giant nukeproof 'bot,
wake up!
DWAYNE: Argo isn't programmed for destruction.
MACK: Wha? Did you blink when it crunched that bridge back there?
DWAYNE: Size 200 feet. That thing's not exactly a ballerina.
MACK: What the heck is that? Superfly?
DONOVAN: Well. That was exhilarating.
JENNY: Good job, Rusty.
SLATE: Dwayne...is Rusty...?
BIG GUY: A hero.
RUSTY: Oh, no. I died and went to the robot scrapyard.
JO: Dwayne, we've got a probable itinerary. About the only thing
big enough for a bogey that size to disappear into.
DWAYNE: The ocean.
BIG GUY: Don't mind me, Captain Hook.
JENNY: Are you sure Sparky didn't go splat? I don't see 'im.
MACK: If Iron John submerges....
RUSTY: He never waits up for me.
BIG GUY: Good job, son.
RUSTY: You mean it?
BIG GUY: You outdid yourself, tiger. I may have to add some
of those classic Rusty moves to my repertoire.
RUSTY: No way!!
107. "Sibling Mine"
by Rodney Gibbs
DONOVAN: Ah! Do you smell it, Jenny?
JENNY: Ooh! I warned you about that burrito.
DONOVAN: The smell of money, you gibbon.
DR. KIRBY: Begging your pardon, Dr. Donovan, but there still may be
some bugs in the system. It is hardly appropriate to run a test with
a living subject.
DONOVAN: Just a monkey.
JENNY: Not like he talks or anything.
DONOVAN: Now send the chimp into space.
JENNY: Bonzo's still here.
DONOVAN: Off the hair.
RUSTY: Dr. Slate! You can be goalie!
SLATE: Rusty, play somewhere else.
RUSTY: But there's noone to play with.
BIG GUY (on a lizard he picks up on scan): Those tend to be vicious
only when radioactively mutated. Infrascan indicates all's quiet on the
Western front -- which means I need to overturn a few more rocks.
GENERAL THORTON: You're certain the creature ate Dr. Kirby?
DONOVAN: He was there one minute, gone the next.
JENNY: Didn't even spit out the bones.
RUSTY: 'The adults are meeting, Rusty.' 'It's past your powerdown time,
Rusty.' 'Big Guy's in shutdown mode; he can't come out now, Rusty'. I never
have any fun.
RUSTY: You are such a sneak, Dr. Slate, hiding my new friend from me!
SLATE: He's not your friend, Rusty.
RUSTY: Brother. What's his name? What's his name?
SLATE: Doesn't have one. He's an early prototype.
RUSTY: Early prototype. I'll name him Earl!
SLATE: A rejected prototype.
RUSTY: Rejected.
DONOVAN: So considerate of you to unearth our misunderstood gem, Dr.
Slate.
JENNY: Mm-hm. Especially with that alien terrorist on the loose.
SLATE: Dr. Donovan, please recollect that this prototype possesses
severe operating defects.
DONOVAN: As I recall, the little nipper's got an underdeveloped
emotion grid. As far as I'm concerned, less is often more.
EARL: EP-327, ready for service!
RUSTY: All right, Earl! Gimme five!
EARL: Defense mode! [punches Rusty through wall]
EARL: Stomach in. Shoulders up. Chest out!
RUSTY: Like this?
DWAYNE: Technical difficulties. Please stand by.
THORTON: What's he doing?
MP: Chitchatting, sir?
RUSTY: You gotta surrender. Or else Big Guy'll glory-stomp you.
RUSTY: I guess my human emotion grid was getting in the way again.
I'll do better next time, I promise.
BIG GUY: For the love of Mike.
RUSTY: Not Mike, Earl! He's my newest bestest pal. After you.
RUSTY: Just think, Earl. We're gonna grow up to be Big Guys too!
EARL: You're violating my airspace, grunt. Fly in proper formation!
EARL: Recommend fanning out. The perimeter must be secured!
BIG GUY: You tell it like it is, chief.
RUSTY: Whoever drew this was good!
EARL: Conspiring with the enemy!
RUSTY: What's conspiring mean?
RUSTY: Earl, maybe you should learn to play nice.
EARL: EP-327 to base. Requesting recall of designation 'Rusty'.
His pacifist attitude threatens to compromise our mission.
BIG GUY: A soldier has to follow orders. Plain and simple.
RUSTY: You're just lucky you don't have human emotions, Big Guy.
They just mess everything up.
DWAYNE: You think Dr. Kirby is still alive?
SLATE: As lost in the creature's world as the creature is in ours.
BIG GUY: Surrender peaceably, fella. You're no Norman Rockwell,
but we enjoyed your visual aid.
EARL: Defend the enemy, you are the enemy.
THORTON: He did what to the Big Guy?
SLATE: Decapitated him, sir.
THORTON: Well, put the little thug back in storage.
SLATE: I'm afraid we can't recall him, sir. The EP-327's
programming isn't...well, advanced enough. Once it's issued
orders, it stays the course.
THORTON: Take him down, then.
SLATE: Could be a while before Big Guy's back online...from
what I'm told, sir.
RUSTY (walking in): I'm a failure. A crummy little hunk of....
THORTON (to Rusty): Son, seems I gave you the short end of the
stick. Put on your warpaint. I'm recommissioning you.
RUSTY: Friends don't hurt friends!
RUSTY: Who's grounded now, Mr. Mean Jeans?
EARL: Please help. I'm a fellow trooper.
RUSTY: I may have a human emotion grid, but I'm no dummy!
BIG GUY: My kind of justice. Poetic.
SLATE: You're certain the details are exactly as they were when
Dr. Kirby vanished?
DONOVAN: Well, we had a row of tiki torches and I was wearing
a Hawaiian shirt....
BIG GUY (laying his hand on Donovan's shoulder warningly):
Be nice!
[Rusty rushes up to alien in activated Quantum Machine and shows
him a drawing]
RUSTY: I almost forgot. I brought you a souvenir! That's you, and
that's me, and that's Earl's head....
[Dr. Slate rushes up and grabs Rusty, while alien grabs paper in
his mouth. Dr. Slate then stands back out of range, firmly holding
Rusty's hand. The alien waves goodbye.]
DR. KIRBY: Hello, everyone. [collapses and is caught by Dr. Slate]
RUSTY: It's a human thing, Big Guy. You wouldn't understand.
DWAYNE: Whatever you say, kid.
108. "The Inside Out"
by David Slack
Your lame-o beam doesn't work on us robots! Right, Big Guy?
...Big Guy?
RUSTY, to ARX-7
DWAYNE: You sure the kid bought your story?
GARTH: Uh huh. Told him the beam's alpha radiation sent Big Guy's
power core into shutdown mode.
DWAYNE: Feel like every muscle in my body is in shutdown mode.
It's times like this I wish Big Guy really was a robot, like he was
meant to be.
DONOVAN: Behold Quark's latest cash cow, the Nanotech Upgrade and
Repair Droid System: N.U.R.D.S. -- NURDS for short.
JENNY: Do they wear pocket protectors, like the other nerds
around here?
DONOVAN: I'm sure everyone remembers the Breakfast-tron 9000.
Hunk of junk, wasn't it? It always burned the toast.
DONOVAN: Imagine -- tanks that heal themselves, planes that get shot
down and then get up again!
DONOVAN: That's right, sugarpop.
RUSTY: Hey, they're not fixing me! I must be perfect.
Hey, it finally works! You don't even have to kick it!
QUARK SCIENTIST, on the vending machine now fixed by the NURDS.
BIG GUY: You! Worm! Early bird overslept, so we're calling the shots.
BIG GUY: I'll soften him up with a little tenderizer I call...'the
John Henry'.
RUSTY (to the abruptly ejected Dwayne): Lieutenant Dwayne, what were
you doing inside Big Guy?
DWAYNE: Rusty, I...uh...well...as Big Guy's...chief mechanic, I...uh....
BIG GUY: Was trapped inside, while repairing my plasma distributor.
Isn't that right, Chief?
RUSTY: Ohhhh. 'At explains it.
BIG GUY: Sorry to lift off without checking first, little buddy.
GENERAL THORTON: I want a full report on the operational status of
the BGY-11.
JO (reading from small clipboard): Power core's at maximum
efficiency.
MACK (ditto, and unhappy): Propulsion and guidance systems are
flawless.
GARTH (ditto): Weapons matrix is perfectly calibrated, and command
grid's at 100 percent. [Checks] Uh, 109, actually.
DWAYNE: The bot checks out, General.
THORTON: Lieutenant Hunter, looks like you're a free man.
DWAYNE: So what's a free man do?
DWAYNE: Fold.
BIG GUY (kibitzing): You shouldn't have done that. Infrascan
indicates max body temperature is elevated.
[Points at Mack]
He was bluffing.
DWAYNE: Uh...thanks.
BIG GUY (kibitzing): Ooh. Tough break, little buddy.
DWAYNE: I don't suppose you need shutdown time anymore, eh?
BIG GUY: On Jane and Joe Taxpayer's nickel? Not a chance. I have
to spend every moment awake, alert, and contemplating strategy.
[looks at Dwayne's cards again]
I'd unload those deuces, champ.
[Alarm goes off. Dwayne starts to run. Big Guy halts him with a hand.]
DWAYNE: Habit.
BIG GUY: At ease, Lieutenant. I've got a job to do.
BIG GUY: Drop the crops, you softshelled freaks!
Took one for ya, little fella. Part of the job.
BIG GUY, to cow chewing cud
DWAYNE: Suit's compromised! We're needed.
[Big Guy's hole repairs itself.]
Scratch that. NURDS beat us to the punch.
MACK: We're gone. Won't need mechanics with those goo-balls around.
DWAYNE: So be it, long as Big Guy keeps up the good work. [frowns]
BIG GUY: The work's never done, so long as They crave our precious
bodily metals.
BLOND QUARK SCIENTIST: Vending machine's on the blink again.
SLATE: It can't be. [snidely] It's powered by NURDS.
JENNY [drying Dr. Donovan's hair]: Nice and poofy, sir. Just the
way you like it.
SLATE: Want something done...
[smashes lamp and captures NURD that comes to fix it]
...call a professional.
BIG GUY: As the jackal is drawn to moonrise, so draw I ever closer
to my waiting foes.
BIG GUY: That'll teach you to covet my metals.
MACK: Mechanic's Rule #1 -- If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
BIG GUY: The only offense is the way that mailbox was laughing at me.
BIG GUY: Who wants ice cream?
RUSTY: Rule #1: Robots never hurt humans.
BIG GUY: Quiet. You'll scare the fish.
BIG GUY: Look what you did, squirt. You're always messing things up!
BIG GUY: Next stop, ouchville.
DWAYNE: Big Guy needs repair. And I am his chief mechanic.
BIG GUY: Rutabaga!
BIG GUY: Who goes there?
DWAYNE: Easy, big fella. I just wanna talk.
BIG GUY: I just want to talk, too, pal. I wanna talk about the size
of the roots on these tubers...and I wanna talk about the cut of your
jib!
BIG GUY: Hey! What now, brown cow?
BIG GUY: Time to get hoppity! ... I can fly! ... Hey, backscratcher!
BIG GUY: I gotta...for the love of...candy...job...gram! ...
[garble] Fortnight.
DWAYNE: Wacky time is over, guys.
BIG GUY: Immobilizer beam? I'm trying to cut down.
RUSTY: Big Guy, I can't let you endanger...that evil robot scorpion?
BIG GUY: I worked the bugs out, son. Now let's give Creepy Crawler
the slant
pattern!
RUSTY: Yes, sir!
RUSTY: No fair! He's got NURDS!
[Dr. Slate screeches up in her little red sports car. Nice car, Doc!
Ain't it great to be a geek these days?]
SLATE: No problem. I've got NURD bait.
BIG GUY: Smart little gizmo you got there, ma'am.
BIG GUY: Besides, the outside doesn't matter, son. It's what's inside
that counts.
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