The Service Is a Drag
by Dr. Susan Calvin (StrangeRelations at aol.com)
I've escaped the mind-binders!!! Quick, take this info and run!!!!!
They're a-comin' fer me! AHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!! Free for now!!!!!!!
TO BE CONTINUED
Jo clamped on to Duane's arm and dragged him out into the hallway
where Mack was waiting expectantly. His craggy face wrinkled up in mirth.
"Hey, pretty baby!!!" he catcalled, "Show me some leg!!!"
"That's the problem," whined Jo. She unabashedly lifted up Duane's
skirt to show off a hairy limb.
Duane, pretending to be embarrassed and outraged, shrilly screeched, "Do
you mind?!? The nerve!!" and slapped at them with a limp wrist. Mack
chortled as Jo pointed out their problem.
"I forgot about hose. I definitely don't have any of that, and I
forgot to ask Garth to buy some when we sent him shoreside to get Duane-ette
here some pumps."
Mack shrugged and replied, "So what? Ya know, during the WAR no one had any
nylons, cuz the army was usin' it all. So the ladies, they all had ta draw
backseams down their legs with a marker or a pencil."
"Good idea!" piped Jo, and pushed Duane back into the bathroom.
"What are we doing now?!?" he inquired weakly.
Rummaging in Duane's personal belongings, Jo triumphantly produced his razor.
"Shave," she declared. "And that's an order."
Duane rolled his eyes.
By the time Garth returned in his chopper it was almost six-thirty and the
sun was making its slow descent. As he hurried through the corridors with his
package for Duane, shouting, "Important Big Guy Business! Make way!!!" He wondered
what the head honchos would say if they found out that they were abusing their army
privileges and equipment just to raid a department store for size 11 women's shoes.
Fortunately, it looked as if everyone was believing his excuses about getting
'special parts' for a modification of Big Guy's assemblage. As long as General
Thornton never found out, they would be home free. Rounding the Big Guy bay, he
came across his partners in crime.
"I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaack...." he presented his package as if it held the 8th
wonder of the world. As he opened it, everyone except for Duane "ooh'd" and "ahhed."
"Precious!!!!" exclaimed Mack, fingering the spectator navy and white Mary
Janes. They sported medium height heels and the adorable rounded toes of each shoe
had a peekabooo hole.
Jo nodded her head in agreement with Mack. "You have great taste, Garth!"
"Why, thank you," Garth said politely, then solemnly handed the package
over to Duane. "Oh, and you look lovely, Duane-ette," he complimented. Duane scowled
"I'm bald!!!!" he whined, lifting his skirt and gesturing at his now smooth
and silky limbs, divided down the back by black eyeliner.
"Whoah, enough of the peep show! I'm a very sensitive and easily offended
man!!" laughed Garth, crossing his dark, burly arms. "Someone has to teach you some
manners, lady!" Duane's scowl transformed back into a smirk, and he busied himself
with buckling on his shoes. Jo fussed with Duane-ette's hair, deciding to leave it
casually mussed. They had washed his trademark pomade out of it earlier, leaving
his surprisingly lengthy brown locks limp and hard to manage.
"Awwright, get up n' show yerself off fer us, an' then we're outta here,"
Mack stated with a twinkle in his eye. Jo and Garth unconsciously clung to each other
in anticipation. Muttering, Duane slowly got to his feet and paraded himself in a small
circle, showing absolutely no discomfort in balancing on his heels. In fact, the man
seemed almost graceful in his new attire. Everyone applauded in amazement, then roughly
grabbed his arms as Duane tried to use their distraction to make a quick getaway.
Jo tutted at him. "Whatever happened to being a "man of your word"?? She admonished.
"Ah, I'm getting cold feet. You'll have to assist me in that area." Duane
trembled, the prospect of meeting Slate in his ridiculous condition looming over him.
It was no longer something vague and far away; it was something right here and now that
threatened to make him either throw up or pass out from trepidation.
"You heard the man, give him some help! Let's drag this drag off the ship!"
Garth boomed, unable to restrain his random bursts of laughter. They all pushed and pulled
him through the corridors towards Garth's chopper, Jo dashing back only after she realized
that she forgot Duane's purse. Having successfully avoided being seen by most of their
other shipmates, everyone boarded the vehicle and strapped themselves in as Garth radioed
the tower for permission to take off, touting more Big Guy Business. They were cleared for
take off after a practice squadron landed. "Everything squared away?" inquired Garth,
shouting to be heard over the whine of the engines.
Jo and Mack gave him a thumbs up, grasped Duane's hand, and forced his stiffened
fingers into a thumbs up as well. Duane closed his eyes and felt the ground fall
away, his amplified heartbeat overpowering the beating of the chopper's blades.
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