by Maureen S. O'Brien (mobrien at dnaco.net)
Stargate belongs to Centropolis Productions. Stargate: SG-1 belongs
to MGM, Double Secret Productions and all that. Big Guy and Rusty the
Boy Robot belongs to Frank Miller and Geof Darrow, Dark Horse Entertainment,
and Columbia Tristar. None of them are responsible for this, and I doubt
they want to be.
Suddenly, a giant silver form dropped on Apophis' head.
"You can't do this!" Apophis screamed, his voice rather muffled.
"I am a god!"
Big Guy's voice rang out clearly. "I've only got one God, mister,
and He sure as shootin' ain't no overgrown slug."
"Bellyflop!" Rusty the Boy Robot told the SG-1 team, watching the
one-sided battle between giant robot and megalomaniacal parasite from about
a city block away. "Another one of Big Guy's classic moves! And now for
the Glory Stomp...and the Kentucky Crusher...and the Titanic...."
"Interesting," said Teal'c. "But why does he not use his weaponry?"
Rusty shrugged. "Dunno. Normally the Big Guy would've used some
missiles or machine guns or anti-terrorist magpoppers or something
Daniel cleared his throat. "After the Big Guy stopped Apophis from
implanting Erika...uh, Dr. Slate...with a Goa'uld, I mentioned Apophis'
little habit of returning from the dead. The Big Guy said something about
taking a more hands-on approach to the problem."
Rusty nodded wisely. "Dr. Slate's a friend of Big Guy's, and Big
Guy doesn't like people hurting his friends. Or sequels."
"He also said something about sending Apophis' remains into the
fiery heart of the Sun," Daniel reported.
"Coooool!" said Rusty. "I've never been to the Sun!"
Teal'c nodded slowly. "That might do it. Unless, of course,
Apophis has some formerly unknown ability to regenerate himself from
the energies of...." He blinked. "No. That would be silly."
"Hey, Rusty. Thought you said robots don't hurt humans," O'Neill
said, watching his second favorite secret fantasy (the one that didn't
involve Samantha Carter) unfold before his eyes.
"Thought you said Apophis isn't human," Rusty answered.
"Huh. Good point. Say, kid, why don't you show us how that nifty
green stuff in your fingers works?"
"My nucleoprotonic energy beams? Okey-dokey!" Rusty flew to Big
Guy's side and assisted Big Guy in turning Apophis into extruded Goa'uld
"Nice kid," O'Neill said. "Say, Carter, do you think this time
Apophis'll stay dead?"
He got no answer, turned, and saw why. Carter was deep in
conversation with Dr. Slate. They looked up at him simultaneously and
O'Neill nodded to them. "What's up, Carter?"
"Erika and I were just discussing the possibility of creating and
controlling wormholes in near-Earth orbit to produce limitless energy and
stop those darned rolling blackouts."
"Isn't that overkill?" the other woman said. "Surely ordinary
microfusion is enough to supply the world's energy needs."
"Well, it might be if we had it in our universe," Carter said.
"How in the world do you....?"
O'Neill shook his head. "Just girl talk, huh? Decide the future of
the human race among yourselves. I'll just be over here, watching Apophis
get turned into...."
"....a little pulp fiction!" Big Guy roared.
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