Great Detective

Lyrics: Maureen S. O'Brien, 1/12/00
Music: to the tune of "Meet Virginia", Train

No color photographs --
You'd never guess the half.
Yeah, Paget's just a bad first draft --
He's beautiful.

It really isn't fair.
Yeah, he's got the red-brown hair,
And sideburns down his cheeks, and that blue stare --
That man is beautiful.
  Great detective.

He never compromises, 
Loves beehives and disguises,
Sets you up for his dumb surprises.
Zed, he's beautiful.

   Well, I'd love to watch him breathe
   But instead he makes me seethe.
   When I called him back from death, 
   Noone told me he would be my breath.

He still loves his old Sussex farm,
And fights to keep the world from harm.
When he wants to, he's got more charm
Than half of Scotland Yard.

I knew it, yeah, right from the start.
I knew I'd never touch his heart.
But I guess I'm not that smart;
'Cause I'm just from Scotland Yard.
  Great, detective.

    I'm a grownup, after all,
    I knew better than to fall.
    But each time I get his call --
    Guess I'm not a grownup after all.

He can't smoke, which drives him wild --
Patient with each child, his paystub is filed 
You see his situation's tragic, 
But his duration's magic;
The shape of his deductions 
  Great detective --

Sometimes life can
  Grate, detective.

Back to the filk index