"The Adventure of the Dancing Men" by Eleanor Burian-Mohr and Terence Taylor (DANC2)
Investing in the future means many things. To some, it means increasing
personal power or wealth -- no matter the price.
Tut, tut, Watson! They know my methods; why not let them apply them?
-- Holmes! About time you got here!
-- And good morning to you too, Lestrade.
-- Yeah, whatever. No time for chitchat. I need your help!
-- Correction. You need their help.
(looking at the Irregulars)
-- Yeah, right! (snorts) Ooh, evildoers beware.
-- Humor me. Besides, remember this: the best assistant is a well-trained assistant.
Lestrade and Holmes
(after Holmes assigns jobs)
-- Do you mind?! This is still my investigation -- not a class field trip.
-- And where were you this morning, Mr. Slaney?
-- At my hotel.
-- Can anyone confirm that?
-- My pillow.
Lestrade and Abe Slaney
-- You've told us enough. You may go.
-- What?! Holmes!
-- Don't leave town, Mr. Slaney.
Holmes and Lestrade (whose investigation has just been taken over again)
-- What a creepazoid!
-- Notice anything else about our Mr. Slaney?
-- Yeah. He's a lousy dresser.
Deidre and Holmes
(to herself, after the vegetable trap)
Well, the good news is -- you're alive.
There was no break-in, so we know somebody let Green Cracker in.
Wiggins to Watson and Deidre, while re-enacting the crime with food.
Yes, I am familiar with cryptography -- having written more than
one treatise on the subject.
Flowers? For me? You do think of everything, Slaney.
-- Nothing says "I'm sorry" like seconds.
"The Musgrave Ritual" by Robert Askin (MUSG2)
(looking at the Musgrave Sword)
But if the boss is right, it will cut Holmes down to size -- and bring New London to its knees!
What's the haps?
This is an investigation, not a field trip.
Lestrade (who will fight and lose this battle yet again)
-- How else can we become fine upstanding citizens of this great....
-- Knock it off! I'm onto you.
Deidre and Lestrade
All right. But only as a favor to Mr. Holmes.
Get a load of these rocks! That's what I'd've stolen -- you know, if
I were bad.
Forged from the sky,
This sword our key.
Behind and ahead
Entombed like us,
The abyss at noon led.
Await its turn
Where our wealth didst burn.
-- The Musgrave Ritual inscribed on the Musgrave Sword (16th c)
Admirable police work, Lestrade. I expected no less.
Moriarty (out of Lestrade's hearing)
It won't take long for her to detect your traces,
and I would prefer to go about my business in anonymity.
I've harnessed the power of the Musgrave Sword; now I will savor its
The world will be as a lump of clay, awaiting your hands to sculpt it.
Fenwick (to Moriarty)
-- What have we here? The "abyss"!
-- "At noon led" -- by your prominent nose.
Holmes and Moriarty
This is one field trip you're sitting out.
Lestrade (to the Irregulars)
"The Adventure of the Blue Carbuncle" by Seth Kearsley (BLUE2)
After all, 'tis the season of 'goodwill toward men'.
Henry Baker (shortly before entering into competition for the last blue Carbuncle in a store)
Hello. My name is Carbuncle. There are only one more days before
Buy me, or you'll be sorry!
A Carbuncle doll
Watson (carrying Holmes' present): Merry Christmas, Holmes!
Holmes: (Exasperated growl/groan)
Watson: Come now, Holmes. Where's your Christmas spirit?.
Holmes: Ask me when I'm no longer being tormented by singing robots.
I mean, how much Christmas spirit can a person get from a machine?
(Watson leaves present on table and sighs)
Present company excluded, of course.
Watson: (perking up) Of course. I didn't realize you were such a sentimental man, Holmes.
Holmes: I didn't realize how much I enjoyed Victorian Christmases, until I experienced a modern one.
News on Demand Broadcaster: This Christmas Eve, the toy on every child's, and every parent's, wishlist is the talking Carbuncle doll. Last minute shoppers will do anything to obtain one of these irreverent animatronic characters -- including robbery.
Holmes: Indeed! A perfect example. Back in my day, Christmas was about spending time with family and friends -- not about getting the doll of the moment.
Broadcaster: In related news, the American James Ryder, the brother and onetime partner of the maker of the Carbuncle doll, has been missing for several days.
Lestrade: (entering) Merry Christmas!
Holmes: Hrm. End broadcast.
Watson: Our friend is depressed by the commercialism of Christmas, Inspector.
Holmes: Christmas should be more about enjoying what you have -- not what you get.
Lestrade: Well, I might have something that will cheer you up. (pulls out a blue Carbuncle doll)
Holmes: (chuckles) A blue Carbuncle doll? Really, Inspector, you shouldn't've.
Lestrade: It's not a present -- it's a case.
-- Do you know who programmed you?
-- Do you know who programmed you?
Holmes and the Carbuncle
Things don't always have a purpose. The appendix -- that's one example.
Another one is you.
What was that you said about not needing backup?
Carbuncle (as Fenwick starts firing)
Watson: Do behave! The Inspector is trying to drive!
Carbuncle: 'Trying' being the operative word. How many of these things has she crashed?
Holmes: I must say, Inspector, it is a quick study.
-- Maybe I was wrong before.
-- About what, Holmes?
-- About Christmas. It is too commercial, but perhaps the gift of giving hasn't changed -- the pleasure one gets from giving something to another. (sighs) I can just imagine the joy we've given Mr. Baker's little girl. That is what Christmas should be about.
Holmes and Watson
-- Who sent you?
-- We were sent solely by our desire to solve an interesting problem.
Dr. James Ryder and Holmes
-- Moriarty! What took you so long? Your henchman has demonstrated a
deplorable lack of subtlety.
-- So true, Holmes! I do wish I could stay and verbally spar...actually, no, I don't.
Holmes and Moriarty
Holmes, I don't have time to waste! It is Christmas, after all.
Just give me my present and I'll be on my way.
No! I can so drive! Better than that cop, that's for sure!
(Big Ben strikes twelve)
-- It's Christmas! We ended up working on this all through the night!
-- Hm. I can't think of a better way to spend Christmas Eve
than tackling an interesting problem - with friends.
Lestrade and Holmes
-- It's Christmas? Where's my present? What'd you get me? Huh, huh,
-- So now the presents want presents! That's progress!
Carbuncle and Holmes
"Silver Blaze" by Robert Askin (SILV2)
Don't mind him. He always barks at strangers.
-- It could be anywhere!
-- Hardly 'anywhere', Watson. After all, we are talking about a twenty-ton spaceship; that should narrow the possibilities considerably.
Watson and Holmes
You must expand your imagination; the thief certainly did.
Bart here was the sole witness. If only he could talk.
That's what's left of Blue Streak. It crashed during the Saturn
Race last month.
-- I'll see you in prison!
-- You'll see me in the winner's circle!
Colonel Ross and Mr. Mapleton
Gentlemen, stop your engines -- or you'll be cooling your jets behind
bars! Both of you!
Reckless accusations are of no interest to me. Evidence is.
There are always options.
Lift your feet, Watson, or you shall get a jolt.
Elementary physics, Watson.
I'd say someone isn't happy with our line of investigation. We must
be making progress.
So the motive wasn't about the race, but the racer!
-- Lestrade, you do know how to pilot this machine, don't you?
-- We're about to find out.
Holmes and Lestrade
He can't spend his ill-gotten gains on Jupiter, after all.
How do you like them asteroids, hey?
Back to 1st quote page
Back to 2nd quote page
Forward to the 4th quote page
Forward to the 5th quote page
Forward to the 6th quote page
Back to the 22nd Century