Quotable Quotes

"The Beryl Board" by Eleanor Burian-Mohr and Terence Taylor (BERY2)

(Posted by Mary on 10/21/2001)

Lestrade (to Holmes): You bugged him? (chuckles) No wonder we get along so well.

-- Ah, Deidre! I see you took a shortcut down Barrow Street. I hope the Harnages' dog didn't chase you too far.
-- Okay, Holmes, how'd you do that?
-- Eyes and brains, my dear, as I often tell you.
Holmes and Deidre

-- You just ate lunch, and you paid for your girlfriend.
-- I know I'm a sloppy eater, but how'd you know about Jacey?
-- By the lipstick.
(sheepishly) -- On my cheek....
Deidre and Wiggins

Tennyson: (loud imperative beeping)
Holmes: Calm down, lad, I hear you. News on, please.
Newscaster: Top stories: Prime Minister gives birth to triplets; 12-year-old Helfin Paine the Third sues for emancipation.
Deidre: Helfin Paine the Third! He is a pain, even if he is Tennyson's friend....

Watson (bringing the hovercoach to a screeching halt):
Americans! When will they learn to drive on the proper side of the road?!

"The Secret Safe" by Reed Shelley and Bruce Shelley (SECR)
(Some quotes posted by Mary on 11/4/2001, 10:56 am)

Watson: New London's streets were nearly deserted that Sunday afternoon. And so was the government's most important building: 10 Downing Street. It was a perfect day for a daring robbery: one which would threaten England's very existence.

Burglar: Silly-looking little guy, but you'll keep the big guy from finding me.

-- That's why I called in some extra brainpower.
-- Oh, no, not that dead detective!
-- Yes, sir.
-- That's all I need: a major crisis and a major meddler. Just don't let him interfere with the real investigation!
-- (slightly amused): Meaning yours...of course, sir?
-- Exactly! (darkly) Sherlock Holmes. Hah!
Lestrade and Grayson

Watson: If we keep dawdling like this, we'll never catch up with Chief Inspector Grayson!
Holmes: On the contrary, Watson. Sometimes a bit of judicious 'dawdling' is what keeps us ahead of the Chief Inspector.

Lestrade: It's all right, Colonel. Mr. Sherlock Holmes is with us.
Grayson (under his breath) Speak for yourself.

Grayson: Colonel Devlin is New Scotland Yard's special security attache to the Prime Minister. So watch your step, Holmes.
Holmes: (looking down at marks on the floor) Yes. That is how I noticed the imprint of the ladder which was here only moments ago.

-- Holmes, stop wasting my time. I've a robbery to solve. Inspector Lestrade, get on this immediately. Check out every pawnshop, fence and crooked art dealer on the Master Suspect List. (gives her the doll)
-- Yes, sir.
-- (snatches the doll back) Better yet, I'm going to lead this search personally.
-- I'm sure the Prime Minister will be most grateful when his curio is returned.
-- (sounding puzzled and belligerent) What does that have to do with it?
(Lestrade smiles, shrugs at Holmes, and follows Grayson out the door)
Grayson and Lestrade

Devlin: Grayson was right! You're just wasting our time!
Holmes: (touches deerstalker brim) In that case, please excuse us. Watson and I have some extremely urgent time-wasting to do.

Lestrade (on Deidre's wrist comlink) Deidre. If you were looking to buy a rare African doll with no questions asked, where would you go?
Deidre: (in her room) Try the curio shop on Oxford Circle near the tube -- but don't tell that zedhead owner it was me who told ya.
Lestrade (cheerfully) No way, Miss Anonymous. And, uh, thanks. (hangs up) Shall we try it, Chief?
Grayson: Is that scruffy little informant properly registered with the Yard?
Lestrade: (annoyed) Sometimes the best information comes from unregistered sources.
Grayson: I'm not about to embark on a wild goose chase. Take me back to Lord Bork's yacht. At least I can make sure the Widows' Fund remains solvent.
(Cruiser does a barrel roll and heads back)
Grayson: Lestraaaaaade!

Grayson: A minor problem. It'll all be resolved by sunset.

Watson: It's a notice from the Bureau of Bankruptcies.

Curio Shop Owner: (nervously) I...I do have an exact mate for your little friend. It just came into my hands. But I had no idea it was not being offered by its legal owner, believe me.
Lestrade (angrily): I'm only gonna take your word for that if you tell me who that 'legal owner' was! Now!

Burglar: Can't you read? We're closed! Permanently!

Watson: It would be extremely wise of you to submit yourself peacefully. Now, come along!

Burglar: I'll freeze your circuits, droid!

Watson: Some lower forms of humanity still refuse to listen to my advice.

Lestrade: I set a Yard record tracking down that perp. How did you get here first?

-- Uh...you let him keep you captive?
-- Yes, of course. I needed the time to study him more carefully.
-- 'Study'. What's to study? He's the crook -- we got him -- loot's recovered -- case solved.
-- On the contrary. I've concluded that the stolen curio was only a diversion.
Lestrade and Holmes

-- That's my collar! Why didn't those clowns at the Yard tell me that he'd escaped?!
-- I would assume any human who is able to break in to Downing Street can break out of Reading Jail.
-- Not when I put 'im there.
Lestrade and Watson

-- The money's not my department. I don't have it.
-- Then take me to the man who does.
-- You'll regret it. He'll make us both sorry.
Devlin and 'Burglar'

Holmes: You may unhand me now.

-- (blocking Lestrade's clear shot) No. Devlin must escape.
-- Escape? Are you crazy?
-- I have a plan.
Holmes and Lestrade

Watson: Cease your groundskeeping, mindless lawn droid! I have a mission!

Holmes: Good. He's getting away.

(Devlin's cruiser dives into the Thames and disappears)
Lestrade: (frustrated) I should have known. With his rank, he'd have one of those new submersible models.

Moriarty: I'm surrounded by incompetents!

Devlin: Unhand me, you hunk of metal!
Watson: I am hereby officially detaining you, sir!
Lestrade (sweetly) That means "You're busted."

Grayson: Inspector Lestrade, you've gone off without official approval for the last time!

Lestrade: Doing a little work on the side, eh, Colonel?

Greyson: But Lestrade, not a word of this to the, uh, Prime Minister, eh? (laughs nervously)
Lestrade: Oh, of course, sir. Now, about that submersible I requested last month?

"The Mazarin Chip" by Gildart Jackson (MAZA2)

Fenwick: We're Yard snakes now.

-- A cat?!
-- A what? What cat?
-- Just a cat, sir. Black cat. Must've tripped a sensor. False alarm.
-- Why do they make all these newfangled gadgets and what-not if they don't work? Check the alarms later. We've got a five hovercraft pileup in Knightsbridge.
Lestrade and Grayson

Moriarty: Now noone will ever know who took the Mazarin chip. And with it we take the Prime Minister of Great Britain -- and Mr. Sherlock Holmes.

Metermaid android: Leaking galvoline. Violation code 6498.

The (old, male) Prime Minister: The Mazarin chip has been stolen, Mr. Holmes. New Scotland Yard's clueless, and you don't seem to give a zed!

-- How do you know? That's an official secret!
-- I'm an official. And I'll keep it secret.
The Prime Minister and the 'meter maid android'

-- But, I say, who are you?
-- Traffic Control. As one advanced compudroid, I'd like to say, you look dashing. (winks) I like your gleam.
(blushing) -- Well, thank you, dear lady.
Watson and the 'metermaid android'

Lestrade (about the android): Watson! Don't chat it up; get it out!

The Prime Minister: I don't understand these people.

Holmes: I'm sorry I can't ask you to stay for tea, but an important game is afoot. Oh. Did you know, by the way? your cruiser has a galvoline leak.

Holmes (bending over the Holmes sitting in his chair in front of the window):
Come, come, Watson! I'd never wear a carnation in April -- or any other month, for that matter.
(takes the other Holmes' head off and holds it in his hand by its stick, like a Holmes-sicle)
Meet my waxwork effigy, borrowed from Madame Tussaud's. Very useful.