"The Adventure of the Engineer's Thumb" by Ken Pontac (ENGN2)
Victor: You spooked the zed out of me!
Jill: My ring must have scraped your neck. Think it's a bad omen?
You don't regret giving me this, do you?
Victor: No way, babe. I don't believe in omens.
Lestrade: Give it up, Louie!
Louie the Snitch: No way! No way you Yard dogs are scrambling my brains!
Lestrade (to Holmes): We don't scramble brains; we modify criminal behavior through science.
Holmes (dryly): I believe that Louie fails to appreciate the subtle difference.
Lestrade: Yeah, well, he and I can argue about it on the ride back. I'm bringing him in.
Watson: A shipment of frozen human hearts, as we suspected.
Lestrade: Okay, Louie, spill. Who’s peddling black market tickers?
Holmes: Organlegging. Illicit trafficking of stolen
human body parts. In my day, not even Jack-the-Ripper stooped so low.
Lestrade: And the lower you stoop, the bigger you fall, Louie.
Grayson: (sighing) Okay, then send Holmes. Maybe he
can turn something up.
Holmes: Your confidence is touching, Chief Inspector.
Victor: Whoa. Good eye, man. You got it scoped.
Holmes: I am always fascinated by what is accidental and what has deeper motivation.
-- Talk to me, Louie. What do you know?
-- Slow down, will ya? I get airsick easy.
-- (with an evil smile) Is that a fact? Then maybe we’d better get to the Yard as quickly as possible.
(The cruiser speeds up. Waaaaay up.)
-- Oops. Missed my turn. Let’s take a short-cut.
(Beth flies the cruiser through a series of tight turns and small spaces, even scraping off the side of one building)
-- (dryly) Feel like talking now?
Lestrade and Louie
Watson: What makes you think the young lady's here?
Holmes: The red hat on the workbench. I don't believe that it belongs to Mr. Wooten; do you?
[The original line was: "Unless Mr. Wooten has a penchant for wearing women’s clothing, I believe it was Jill’s hat that I saw on his workbench." Eheu, these editors....] ;)
(Jill and Michael smooch and part)
Watson: Well, I'll be reformatted! Jill and Michael are partners in crime!
Holmes: They appear to be partners in something.
Holmes: I hesitate to theorize in advance of all the facts.
(Lestrade makes the cruiser dive toward the ground.)
Lestrade: The street's coming up pretty fast, Louie. Now, where did you say that next shipment was?
Lestrade: I'm all ears, Louie.
Louie: Ears are just the tip of the iceberg, toots.
Lestrade: Hold onto your lunch, Louie!
(Storage room full of human body parts, including hands on shelves)
Watson: Good gracious, Holmes! It's monstrous!
Holmes: Indeed. And all fingers certainly seem to point to Mr. Fenwick.
Fenwick (behind them): Oui, and M'sieur Fenwick's got something pointed at you!
(Fenwick has an ionizer and two of the lasersword-wielding thugs from CRIM with him.)
His trigger finger's getting itchy; Moriarty will enjoy adding your heart to his collection!
Holmes: Yes. He appears to have organs to spare.
Fenwick: Always room for one more, on the black market!
Fenwick: Now reach for the ceiling, Holmes!
Holmes: You heard the man, Watson.
Watson: With pleasure, Holmes!
(Watson yanks down a pipe full of freezer stuff and sprays Fenwick and the thugs with it)
Fenwick (locking the freezer room and destroying the lock
This should cool you off, Holmes!
Watson: This room is like a vault!
Holmes: More like a f-freezer.
Lestrade: Hmm. They're in a hurry.
Louie: They’re in a hurry? They’re in a hurry!? Listen, just toss me out of this deathtrap and let me take my chances with the pavement, okay?
Lestrade: Love to, Louie, but you're coming with me. Scanners are showing Holmes and Watson inside that building, and I’ve got a hunch they could use some help.
Louie: Wonderful. Suddenly I'm a cop.
Lestrade: Holmes! Are you in there?
Holmes: Indeed! Although I would very much like to be outside, and quickly! (smiles)
Louie: Now I'm a Good Samaritan? I thought I was a crook!
Lestrade: It'll look good on your report.
(Holmes walks out on Greyson)
Greyson: Holmes! Hoooolmes!
Lestrade: You'll get used to it. I had to.
Watson: Once again, we find ourselves skulking in the treetops. I know better than to ask you why a second time.
Holmes: The only crime Mr. Wooten’s guilty of is possession of a heart both smitten by Cupid and altogether too trusting -- of her.
Holmes: Indeed, the answer has been staring you in the face for some time. Eyes and brains, Watson.
Holmes: The game is afoot -- and several other anatomical parts as well.
Watson: Gaining entrance to that fortress may prove a
Holmes: Not necessarily. (smiles)
Louie: I gotta tell you, this Yardie business goes
above and beyond my duties as a snitch! I oughta get a medal
Lestrade (dryly): How about a reduced sentence?
Louie: Yeah, that'll do.
Louie (with Lestrade wearing a trenchcoat):
Told the boss about my girlfriend here. Now
he wants to meet her!
Eyepatch thug: I gotta check.
Lestrade: Check this! (fires ionizer and takes down guards, then turns to Louie skeptically) Your girlfriend?
Louie: It got us in, didn't it?
Holmes (coming over from across the street): It did indeed.
Lestrade: Thanks, Victor. (shoves him out of the crossfire) We just lost the element of surprise.
Louie: This is definitely not in my contract.
(Holmes takes down thug and touches his hatbrim to Lestrade.)
(Another thug fires at Holmes and almost hits him.)
(Lestrade fires, takes down thug and winks at Holmes.)
Holmes: I must say, this scheme is exceptionally grotesque and vampiric, even for you, Fenwick.
Fenwick: Zut, alors! They signed the release!
Lestrade: So what? Human cloning has been illegal since the late twentieth century, zedhead! And with good reason. Cloned organs fail without warning.
Holmes: And you might have got away with it, too, for who would report such an inconceivable theft?
Holmes: I wonder. Did you ever love either of them?
Jill: No. I love Fenwick.
Lestrade and Louie (exchanging glances): Uck!
Jill: I've made my choice. Let society judge!
Holmes: And society shall.
Jill (left behind while Fenwick escapes): Fenny! What about me!
Watson: The eyes in the jars! "The answer has
been staring you in the face for some time". Ha!
Holmes: I did think the clue stuck out like a sore thumb.
Watson (looking pained): Oh, really, Holmes!
"The Gloria Scott" by Woody Creek (GLOR2)
Watson: Our story begins twenty-five years ago aboard a prison transport shuttle bound for the lunar penal colony. It is the tale of one man's mistake, which is compounded by the passage of time until it creates a twisted web of lies so snarled that only Sherlock Holmes can unravel the truth.
Holmes: They could be on the Moon by now.
Holmes: Victor! What a pleasure! I haven't seen you since that industrial espionage case we consulted on together.
Holmes: Lestrade, this is Victor Trevor, a bright young
man and an expert in industrial forensics.
Victor (in a low voice): Can I speak freely in front of her?
Holmes (also quietly): Absolutely. As freely as you would to me or Watson alone.
Holmes: Victor is my friend. More than that, he is a friend in need.
-- Any thoughts on where the final two escaped prisoners might be?
-- Logic dictates that they will go for safety and easy access to transport.
-- Riiiight. (sarcastically) So let's search the central hoverstation at Waterloo.
-- Brilliant, Inspector! I'll get right on it!
Lestrade and Watson
Watson: Hello, gentlemen. May I see your identification cards? Routine check, that's all.
Hudson: Hudson's the name and insurance is my game. Oh, dear. I must have left my papers in my other trousers. How inconvenient.
Hudson: Some people have a photographic memory. I have an audiographic memory, and my hearing, it's as sharp as a dog's.
Hudson: Soon as we clear the Van Allen Belt, we'll be free as birds. The ship'll be ours.
Lestrade: How sweet. A felon-and-son reunion.
Holmes: You mustn't be so cynical, Lestrade.
Holmes: After all, what are friends for?
"The Six Napoleons" by Martha Moran (SIXN2)
Lestrade: Palmiero, huh? Well, _we're_ moving up in the world.
Grayson: Best behavior, Lestrade!
Grayson (to Lestrade): Just see what they want and try not to destroy anything!
Lestrade: (whistles) What I'd give to drive one of these beauties.
Holmes: What exactly is a Napoleon Excelsior?
Sommersby: A technological marvel! And quite simply, the most sumptuous luxury craft ever built.
Sommersby: It can do New London to Los Angeles in fifty minutes. There are only thirty left in the world today.
Jack Rizzo: (wolf-whistles) Yardies are a whole lot foxier these days!
Jack Rizzo: So that was you, Inspector! Fancy bit of driving. You should try dragracing some time.
Neville Harris (embarrassed): He has given me some excellent tips on the holohorses.
Lestrade: Does the man ever slow down?
Holmes: Au contraire, my friend.
Lestrade: How did you figure alllll that out from a pair of footprints?
Watson: Heavens! What a powerful vehicle!
Rizzo: Nice piece of work, Sherlock!
Holmes: Even the formidable Inspector Lestrade couldn't pull that off, I'm afraid.
"The Creeping Man" by Ken Pontac (CREE2)
Lestrade: I can still remember the box of cookies he
sent us when we were starving together in college.
Edith PresburyIf I'd known Alice was going to end up being my stepmother, I'd never've shared those cookies with her.
Lestrade: I'm surprised she didn't end up with Trevor. He was always crazy about her.
Lestrade: Poor Trevor. He's stood by your father, though,
through thick _and_ thin.
Edith: It's gotten pretty thin around here lately.
Holmes: If my nose is any indication, these monkeys are extremely agitated.
Primatologist: The langur they took was one of our rarer specimens. And just when we thought we'd found a mate for it.
Holmes: Another monkey has been stolen.
Lestrade: Mm. I may have stumbled on some monkey business of my own. Can you come by and take a look?
Holmes: It would be my pleasure.
Holmes: Apparently your nocturnal visitor is not as careful about his grooming as you are about yours, Miss Murphy.
Professor Jacob Presbury (to Holmes): At my service? At my heels is more like it!
Presbury: And here's more hair for your collection! See how easy it is to obtain? Perhaps I should yank a handful out of _your_ meddling head for your robot friend to study!
Lestrade (holding Edith and Alice apart and acting as the voice of reason): Whoa, whoa! Hold it! All right. I think we should all go downstairs and _calm down_. Maybe a cup of tea would settle everyone's nerves.
Trevor Bennett (holding up a bent poker): The Professor did this
after the chef overcooked his steak.
Holmes: Quite the food critic.
Watson: But Holmes! If there is any danger...
Holmes (dismissively): ...I shall prove more than adequate to the challenge.
Holmes: Mm. The game _is_ a foot.
Holmes: Whoever -- whatever you are, I order you to let me go -- now!
Alice Murphy: You must not think much of your own father if you think all he has to offer is the size of his bank account!
Holmes: Things are rarely as clear as they seem on the surface.
Watson (analyzing a lubricant): Silicon-coated microbeams suspended in a fluid matrix. I say! Quite elegant-looking -- on the molecular level.
Edith: Maybe he came to his senses at the last minute
and decided to stand her up.
Lestrade (angrily): Have some compassion, Edith! Alice looks so alone up there!
Presbury: Thank you for standing by me in all this, Alice.
Alice: In sickness and in health, Jacob.
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